Week One

My husband moved out two days ago. It is so strange not having him here. It is certainly what I know needed to happen, but it will take some time to get used to it. You can't just turn the page on 11 years overnight.

Last night was my first night in the house alone, my boys stayed at his place. It was different,...but it was okay. I went to dinner with my mom, and came home and had some wine and relaxed a bit. Strange how there isn't much cleaning up to do when you are the only one around! It was the first night I have ever spent alone in this house, alone in my bed.

Next weekend will be the real test. We are trading off with the children every other weekend, and next weekend will be my first weekend without them. I have no idea yet what I am going to do, but I need to make some sort of plans.

The strangest part was dropping my son off with him and then walking out the door, leaving them there, and going home.  I know my kids are safe, happy, and well taken care of when they are with him, but it is going to take some time for it not to feel very strange.


autimom autimom
31-35, F
12 Responses Dec 12, 2008

I'm doing okay. I have been a bit of a hermit, but I am giving myself time. It has not even been three months. I have good days and bad days.

Divorce is one of the hardest things you can ever experience. My first divorce almost killed me. I became severely deeply depressed and suicidal. I hardly left the house for a year and kept to myself completely. I cried constantly and just laid in bed all the time. I am really surprised my family did not take me to the hospital. I got soooo thin from not eating that you could see my bones and ribs poking thru my skin. I am not sure how much I weighed, but I am sure it was under 100 lbs. The song by Pearl Jam= 'Black' describes exactly how I felt. That song still makes me sad to this day and I admit I do still have feelings for my ex. It takes a long time to heal and you think you will never find anyone else that will love you, but it does happen. Now I have my beautiful family. I hope it is going ok now for you. You have my support. Take care :)

In 2 weeks it will be one year since my divorce was finalized. In some ways I feel like I have been divorced forever and those 15 years were a bad dream. Yet at other times it still feels raw and oh so real. I have a 10 year old daughter going back and forth and it has been a big adjustment for all of us. Not to mention that my ex said he didn't even want the divorce and he is already remarried!! Thanks for your stories and the strength they give us to move on with hope for a better tomorrow

Good luck Autimom - I know how hard this has been for you.<br />
Keep strong. You can do this : )

I recently went thru it (last August) and it is a hard change. It will take some time. You're probably going to go thru a gamut of emotions from elation that you're out to remorse that you're out. It's only natural.<br />
<br />
The best advice I can give is just to get out there. Please don't spend the weekend alone trying to sleep it off. All you'll end up doing is delaying the emotions. They're going to hit anyway, it's just a matter of when. I went thru them quickly and got them over with and I'm glad I did. Although it was difficult going thru them and the shock of the experience I was able to deal with it all in one fell swoop.<br />
<br />
Best of luck to you in making some offline friends. Definitely try Craigs List. There are usually activities on there in everyone's area so don't be afraid to try something new (like skydiving) if it will get you out there and help you find those offline friends.<br />
<br />
In the meantime, all of us online friends will be cheering you on!!

Honey, I will not say I know how you feel, I don't. I can tell you, that I'm in a similar situation. A little over a week a go my husband and I decided to share a home but not a bed. Only until he is ready emotionally to move on. I failed him and he is in pain. He has tried to let go by feels that I no longer love him. It is really hard to sleep alone. I ended up buying a huge pillow to hold onto. I have cried myself to sleep many nights. I'm dealing with the "not being pat of him" part. You know like yesterday they went to my son's game, I wasn't invited by him. I never really go, but before; he would always in a playful manner mess with me so I would feel a little remorse. Then this past weekend he stayed @ a Kid hotel with my kids, I wasn't invited. It feels very weird. I only miss him @ night. I guess it's not him but the feeling of someone being there. It will take some getting us to. <br />
<br />
If your separation was for the best of the family, I know you will find inner strength. I'm glad to see you are writing. This really helps. I want to let you know that I'm here if you ever need to talk. I have a lot of questions going through my mind. I have slowly asked them, and gotten very good replies. EP allows you to ask what you normally wouldn't ask someone in person.<br />
<br />
Take care Sweetie.<br />
(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) (((((((((((KISSES))))))))))))

I think I am a likable person, but I haven't cultivated many same sex friendships since moving to TN 13 years ago. It was difficult for me to make "mommy" friends when my son was smaller. The autism made it impossible for me to be open to it. Plus, I have a very weird schedule as far as work goes. It won't be easy, but I need to make a pal, at least one.

I found a website called galpalz.com that might help you find some girl friends who have similar interests whether it be shopping, going to dinner, hiking, biking, playing board games, knitting, etc.<br />
<br />
You might also try the personals on Craigslist. There is a section for Strictly Platonic ads. Be forewarned though...there will still be some perverted ads mixed in that section!

Autimom, if you figure out how to make some real life same sex friends, please let me know your secret. Too bad we don't live close to each other :) Good luck and try to enjoy and make the most of the time you have to yourself.

Yes get yourself involved with things, join a club, do some volunteering and find some time to workout. Even just getting out to go to the library is useful. The last thing you want to do is sit home alone and feel sorry for yourself. Making friends is a slow process and I will admit making same sex friends, at least for a guy is very hard.

Thanks, Neal. I appreciate the support.<br />
<br />
Doors--thank you for all for all of the advice. I will make some plans next weekend, if I don't I'm likely to spend it in bed trying to sleep it away.<br />
<br />
I need to work on making some friends. My online friends are wonderful and precious to me, but I need to put some effort into meeting some friends I can spend some time with.<br />
<br />
I don't think I could ever feel more lonely than I did the last 1-2 years of my marriage. At least now I have hope for my future.

Yes, the adjustment is difficult. I compared it to losing an arm. You can still function, but it's different. Did you cry after leaving your kids? I remember being upset after an early exchange. My kids were happy and excited, but it was just sad to me realizing that they were going to spend the rest of their childhood being shuttled between two houses.<br />
<br />
Next weekend will be a big test for you. Make sure you have some things planned (rent a movie, bake some Xmas cookies, start jogging, take an old friend out to dinner, etc.)<br />
<br />
After 2 months, I can say it is easier. But there are still moments where I get lonely and filled with doubt. It will also be interesting to see how your relationship with your STBX changes. Mine has changed in ways I could not imagine. He can't even look at me and barely talks to me now except through IM.