Birthday Present

Today is my birthday. Birthday's aren't a huge deal for me, I sort of think the making a big deal over your birthday is reserved for children, or it should be.  Perhaps the occasional "big" birthday, like 21 or 40 deserves some recognition. 

My husband and I have been separated going on three months now. It has its moments, but so far things are going pretty smoothly. We continue to work together, which I know wouldn't work for everyone but strangely enough it works fine for us. In some ways I think it has even been helpful. It has been helpful as far as the fact that we still spend quite a bit of time around each other, not allowing me to slip back into a fantasy world where I forget all the reasons we should not be together.

Last night at work I reminded him that it was my birthday, assuming correctly that he'd have no idea. He told me happy birthday, and I thanked him. We got to discussing the fact that when we married he was the age I am today. He said to me, "Those were the happiest days of my life." I felt tears come to my eyes when he said that. I told him that was the nicest thing he'd ever said to me. And it was. 

It is easy to have a little nostalgia for the "good old days." Never in a million years did I think this is where we would be today. It makes me so very sad. 

autimom autimom
31-35, F
12 Responses Feb 10, 2009

Happy birthday indeed. I think you will fare well as you go along, you seem to be a strong person.<br />
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I couldn't tell you when my ex's birthday was... of course, I can't guarantee I knew it when we were together.<br />
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The thing is, he isn't the type to talk about his "feelings." If it were not for the love and affection I see him give our sons, I'd think he really was incapable of it. Truly, I think he doesn't know how to give it to a woman. He just doesn't have it to give.

I remember those conversations with my ex. At some point, once you are past the initial trauma of the change, it won't bring tears to your eyes. Life is a story and this Chapter is done. HUGS and Happy Birthday


MYL, that is a wonderful thought. Thanks!

Happy Birthday Honey. Today is the first day of the rest of your life!

Thanks, PT!

Happy Birthday.

Thanks, KFC. It is a comfort to know that someone understands.

Hi autimom: I know and feel your pain. Mine has said those same words to me. You can't help but feel sad. You know you did everything you could, but you are right it's the reality of giving up that dream.<br />
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It's okay to feel sad and to mourn. I do on a daily basis. Loving someone that can't love you back the way you need him to deserves to be mourned.<br />
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Be strong. Love and hugs,<br />

Thank you. Ending is hard, moving on is tough. It is the end of a dream. The dream of what I thought my life was going to be. <br />
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I did try. In the end he is the one that refused any compromise. I know that I didn't throw in the towel too soon.<br />
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Thank you for your support.

Bittersweet. Don't forget the bitter part, though. You did not bail on the marriage at the first sign of trouble, you tried to make it work. <br />
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You already know everything I'm about to say, but I'll say it anyway. <br />
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Relationships don't always work out...some people change, and some people don't. People that fall in love can fall out of it. A loveless and passionless marriage should be ended. An amicable divorce seems to be the best solution to your marriage. <br />
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I hope you find hope in your current situation... you're still young enough to start over.