I Am Getting a Divorce and I Am Still In Love With Him

My husband of only 9 months filed for a no fault divorce, i had not a clue that there was something wrong.  We have known each other for almost 5 years he was my best friend, my lover and my life.  He was my everything.  He wouldn't hear me out and try to give us a second chance for our marriage.  He just walked out the door leaving me with the house and the bills and only paying less then half.  i want to do anything that i can to try to save my marriage but i don't know where to start.  After he left he hasn't been himself, its like he is a stranger to me that i have never wanted to know but, then there are times where my husband will shine through for just a few min then go right back into being so cold and distant.  He never liked bars, never went and never wanted to go to clubs and now, that is all that he is doing.  he doesn't drink or do drugs and he always said that he would never put himself in the situation where he would surround himself in those places.  and what has he done?  He left me with the only response that he loves me but just is not in love with me.  I don't believe it.  i saw how he loved me i saw how it looked like when he was in love with me and that was not lacking.  i think that someone new has come into his life that is giving him these ideas and that he is getting mixed up with the wrong people but there is nothing that i can do.  I want to fight, my heart wants to fight when i should be mad at him for ripping apart our home that we worked so hard on getting.  me working three jobs when he was unemployed just to make the bills meet and this is how he repays me.  just when we start to get back on our feet, he is gone and with not a sign.  he is such a jerk sometimes, and i think that i am pregnant with his baby... i told him and i don't think that he believes me.  its too early to take a test, but i am sick as a dog and have all but one symptom of being pregnant.  this is the hardest thing that i ever thought that i would ever have to do, to let the man of my dreams just leave and not look back.  its so hard.  i am running out of ideas to try to get him back. everything that i have tried he wouldn't give me the time of day.  so, i have decided to leave him alone for two weeks and talk to a lawyer in the time being and take a trip to Cali so i can try to relax in this hard time... we will see... if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

jsml965 jsml965
22-25, F
4 Responses Mar 18, 2009

I'm sorry your going through a lousy time in your life.. while it is easy for people to tell you to carry on... it isn't so easy when your trying to handle it on your own. 1st remember that you are very young (even though you might be pregnant) you will get through this. 2nd, your husband sounds very immature and has decided that marriage is to much work and he wants to party instead...

Finally since his behavior changed in such a short time, I wonder if he is suffering a mental change or maybe he is seeing someone.

Either way, you are a young, vibrant woman who has her whole life in front of her..live it

And as my old drill sergeant told the squad one day, "Life is like a Penis, sometimes it gets hard for no reason"

Hi, I hope the situation has resolved as it is almost end of May 2010 (one year later). In case you are still struggling, please search "Midlife crisis forum" and you'll find lots of help there. The forum has been a major source of comfort for me, I visit it daily. My husband also left me out of the blue, said "I was not happy, now I am (after breaking up with you". He has made friends who are younger and single and now frequents bars on a regular basis. So I know a little bit about how you're feeling.<br />
Hope things are better already.

Thank you very much for giving me some advice. I don't know what happened. If i did i would have put it in there... after all i don't know who is reading it and you don't know who i am so i wouldn't be shy. I worked three jobs so we didn't lose our house. there was no other choice that i had to make.<br />
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But thank you very much for your comments.

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Who knows what happened. You might have a pretty good idea but aren't mentioning it here (which is fine) or you may never know. But, if you really don't want the divorce, I would advise to ride it out and make him file for (and pay for) it. It sounds like you have a habit of making things easy for him - working three jobs while he has none, for example (which really isn't fair to you - but I suspect you know that). Anyway, you just go ahead and live your life - your current life that he has left you with. You won't be able to force him (or anyone for that matter) into doing something they don't want to do. So, let him be. One of two things will happen.... <br />
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1.He will eventually file for the divorce or time will make you aware that he isn't coming back and you will file - but how much time is up to you .... which is good because you go through the divorce when "you" are ready for it. There's no need to rush it - Talking to an attorney to know your rights is good though - especially on the financial part of things. For example, if you have any credit cards or notes with your name on them, you'll need to take the appropriate action so he can't charge them up and leave you responsible for them when he doesn't pay ... (believe me, I've been here and it is horrible!)<br />
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OR<br />
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2. In time he will come back and want to try again. In this case, I would not make it easy on him. He might just be coming back because he's run into difficulties and needs a place to stay and a shoulder to cry on until he gets his second wind and takes off again. I'd recommend not letting him move back in immediately. Go to counselling together, start dating again, .... just go slow until you see how he is going to do. <br />
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Remember, it isn't you who walked away. You are the one suffering with the broken heart, the confusion, the injured trust and love.... But, no matter what, tell yourself every day that no matter what he decides, you are going to be alright. You will ... <br />
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One more idea, if he has a male friend who has a positive impact on him - someone who might be able to help him with whatever he's going through - you might consider asking this friend to talk to him .... watch out for him. BUT, never put yourself in a position where it might look like you and one of his male friends are conspiring against him ... or you are spending too much time with this man (you get my drift). The point here is to tell his friend that you are concerned and since he won't confide in you, you just want to make sure someone is looking out for him - then leave it be.<br />
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Well .... sorry so long ... this is just my advice. Hope it helps. Good luck and stay strong. PS - Faith and prayer help too ... but remember, God gave us all free will and He won't force your husband to make the right decision. He will, however, help you to cope no matter what - and, I believe, put people and things in contact with your husband to help him if he chooses to accept it.<br />
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Take care.