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Some Good Things Come Out of the Bad

I met my soon to be ex-husband at 14. We married at 16 and he was in the Air Force. We stayed married for 17 years now. He is verbally and mentally abusive and had been for a long time. I got to the point where I just couldn't take it anymore and decided to leave. I asked God for His forgiveness and He showed me my husband had been into extra curricular activities so I was/am biblically free to divorce. Can you imagine finding out he was paying for escort services. Gross! Not to mention the 762 files of **** on his computer. We have one son together and I didn't want him to grow up thinking that was the way to treat women. I'm lonely but I have my self respect. It also feels nice to be free as I have known nothing but this man.
candydandy candydandy 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 11, 2007

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You are doing the right thing. It is very scary, especially since ya'll have been together since you were SO YOUNG. I'm sorry, but I am in the same situation, and our 5 kids are already showing signs of his behavior. Good Luck to you, I wish you a safe and happy experience.

"I'm lonely but I have my self respect. " ... self respect is worth more than anything. You can still hold your head up high when you know you did the right thing.

- "It also feels nice to be free as I have known nothing but this man." You need to know yourself before anyone else. You cannot teach it to your son if you do not have that knowledge of your own.

I don't buy it. Bringing a marriage down takes two people. I suggest you consider your responsibility too. I'm not blaming you, but you seem to lay all blame on your husband. And that way you prevent yourself from learning. And your son, he needs to know the truth. I hope he gets to hear his dad's side of the story also. I hope that by being totally honest with yourself and with each other and to your son, he will learn to lead a life of integrity. You may think that means to "respect women" but it means a whole lot more. Respect himself and his needs also.

What is his Dad's side of the story going to be? I paid to have sex with other women despite being committed to a wife!!!!! Son some day it is ok if you have sex and pay other women despite making a promise in the eyes of heaven to be with just that one person.

better to leave him.if a person cant obey a women it means he is like a animal in forest.forget him and start a new life

What would make you think that a man needs to "obey a woman"??

Its good that you made up your mind and chose an option of not staying with a man who abuses you. He does not deserve a women like you. You have a right to be happy and god has definitely kept something good and better in your kitty and you would get that soon.

Sorry to hear about that! WOW! Just wanted to say that not all military men are abusive. I am a combat war veteran and would die first before I abuse my wife or our kids. There are good men out there just watch for the signs. There are some tricky people men and women...you just have to be more aware that is all. You know my mom is in a mentally abusive situation with a man-(not my father)...but stayed with him because of her misunderstanding of the bible. The bible does not say stay with an abusive partner who threatens your well being...we are all God's children- God looks at us the way we (you) look out for your son. So you were free to leave along time ago! ;)

I dont get it...is it just me or are military men abusive???

Military....

You must not know many people in the military, because we are not all abusive. As a matter of fact, some of the military spouses are more abusive than any military man could ever be. Please remember, while I am not doubting what Candydandy was saying, I know better than to make judgment calls on only one side of the story. Oh and the escort service! Wow what a jerk for that, but ****...

no not all military men are abusive however, a largr than average percentage of them are as opposed to the genral population. They also tend to cheat on their wives more than your average civilian. I'm not saying all military men do this they don't but id be very wary about getting serious about someone in the military ever again!

Sounds like you are truly better off without him.