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I Never Thought.

I had been with him for 8 years.  We were married for 4.  When we talked about marriage, I truly believed in the "us" factor.  And I truly knew the seriousness of a marriage.  However, when we finally did get married, I was not prepared for what would happen between us.  I was not prepared for us growing apart.  I was not prepared for us changing as two people, and I was not prepared for us not becoming and growing as one. 

I see a lot of marriages in my life, and I look at those couples and recognize they have a great relationship.  They truly work together and help support each others' dreams and goals.

My marriage was never like that.  We stopped working together, we stopped focusing on each other, and we literally were just roommates.  We stopped sharing our lives together.  Sure, we'd go out and do things together, but even in those situations, we never communicated.  We did not have a GOOD HEALTHY relationship.

I'm just surprised it took me this long to realize what the hell was going on between us.  I think it takes a strong person to recognize when a relationship has no more chance then a person that stays in a relationship because they're afraid of the future. 

Well, I took that chance at happiness and asked for a divorce.  Yes, I'm scared as hell because I have no idea where I'm going to end up, but the fact of the matter is this, I am happy he is no longer around.  I have no regrets about my past.  I don't look at him with bitterness.  I look at the situation as a learning experience.  Yes, I had to learn the hard way, but now, in my heart, I know what I truly want from a relationship. 

deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Nov 9, 2009

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Your story is sad. You were with your husband for four years before tying the knot. I guess that is the time you should have been able to pick up on cues as to what life with him was going to be all about. Anyway you have learnt the hard way and that will make you stronger and more clear sighted about what you want in the future. Goodluck

What an incredibly touching story. And now you're ready to try new things! Terrific!

You are young and wise ... <br />
FEAR is what you identified: "I think it takes a strong person to recognize when a relationship has no more chance then a person that stays in a relationship because they're afraid of the future."<br />
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The longer a marriage "lasts" the greater the FEAR.<br />
Coupling is what the world does.<br />
All of my friends are couples, and I am soon to be uncoupled and happy to go there. Divorced after 41 years and I found "me" in the process of unraveling my marriage.<br />
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Bittersweet... I realize now that the marriage never was what I had hoped it would be.<br />
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You say that now you now what you truly want. That is a blessing. I married at 19 and had absolutely no idea what marriage to this guy would be like ..He was just a young man at 20 and we tried to grow up together. We grew apart and had children so on we went. Retirement made it worse being together 24/7 and he is happy growing old and I want intimacy and hugs. He has none to give and believes I need to accept that fact about us.<br />
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I am with you... now I now what I don't want and what I want in a friendship, relationship, love affair. <br />
Thanks for writing this story

D: Thank you for sharing. You are young enough and obviously strong enough to move forward. I am sorry that your marriage/dream did not work.<br />
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I too am walking thru my own divorce and kicking and screaming the entire way. I, like you, suffered from "roommate" syndrome, growing apart, never really working together as a team. Sure I wanted those things and begged and worked for them each day. He just had no clue.<br />
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I wish you the best.