Can't Believe It's Happening...
So, I have been married for 15 years. Next month, will be 18 years that we have been together. We have had problems with out marriage from day 1, but have been able to "ignore" them for one reason or another. Actually, I have chosen to ignore them for 4 very good reasons...our 4 sons! Early this year, I found enough courage to tell him point blank that I don't love him, not like a wife should love her husband and that I don't feel loved by him. I wanted a separation, some space and time to figure things out. (I have been with him since I was 18 and he was 24). So he asks if I want to tell the kids, and I said "yes". So he calls the boys in and basically tells me to tell them since it was my idea. He put me under the bus!! And so I got crushed.
Needless to say, up popped good old guilt and I decided that maybe what we need is some serious help and some serious work since it's all out in the open. He did go to a session of counseling and I actually made an appt. for counseling for myself (chickened out at the last min. though..so bad!!). And as we are "working" on our marriage, things were good for about 2 whole weeks. Then the momentum left us and we were right back where we started. So fast forward 8 months. (Oh, and did I mention, in the midst of this, I discovered that he had an addition to on-line ****? that he was trying to hide from me?). So I check his email last week and discover that he has been "communicating" with another woman. He says nothing happened, but he had lied to her and pretended to be single. He made several sexual references to/about her and completely cut me out of the picture, even saying that his "sister" moved him and his kids into his house (the house that we just bought a year ago and that WE all moved into).
I am so hurt, angry and sad. I feel even more lonely than I have in such a long time. And to top it off, we have to live together because we are broke!! We haven't told the kids, so we are actually sharing a room/bed (strictly sleeping). I really just want to be over and done with this so that I can move on. But I am so scared of the unknown. I have never been single...he is the only man I have ever been with.