Walking Away From A 13 Year Lie

I met my soon to be (hopefully) ex husband in August of 1996, pretty much been together since that day. Not saying I was ever happy, Its been so long since I've felt that way with him that I can't remember what its like feeling happy with a guy. Some of the people around the area thought I was happy, I was forced to wear a smile, a mask, while pretending to be who he wanted me to be. I couldn't leave the house without ground rules on how to act, what to say, and how to behave. Others saw through it, and treated me behind my back till now to that poor girl. 

Its alarming how you can spend so many years living with, and being a stranger that you forget who you are, forget who you want to be, goals, dreams, I have forgotten what those are like. A little about my ex, hes a verbally abusive, manipulative liar, I didn't realize to what extent till he met a new girl who is just as rotten and awful as he is. This is a fact, she is married to one of his Co workers, who let us stay at his house while we were fixing a house that belongs to my parents, they decided they wanted to be together so not only did they ask us for a divorce. They tried to set us up as a couple and manipulate him into giving them money for me. 

In this divorce, those two have tried turning my family against me, blaming this divorce on my depression, claiming I am psychotic. (Failing horridly, turns out in 13 years my ex has become hated by all of my family for the way he treated the kids and I, and known as a liar for claiming verifiable bull including telling my brother in law that he owned half of my dads backhoe after never paying a dime into it.) So when that didn't work they tried to buy my parents by offering to buy my parents home. My mom told him no, I had the kids dogs over there to be re-homed as I had no place for them, they went over and shot the kids dogs to spite my mom.  

During the marriage my husband told me my family hated me, and the only reason they put up with me was because they loved him, told me I was worthless, stupid, ugly, unlovable, that I didn't deserve even him. I hated myself as much as he hated me. I believed him. I couldn't  make friends cause I wasn't allowed out of the house without him, I had to carry my phone on me at all times so he could contact me when he was at work. I had no life, I thought this is what I deserved. 

I am not sad, my kids are not sad, since hes been gone, I am scared to death but at least I can smile. Ive been a wife and a mother, thats all I know, which is why I am scared. But I now know I am loved, and I do deserve so much better, I can and will be happy in my life. 

vampyres32 vampyres32
31-35, F
2 Responses Feb 11, 2010

I think you will be happy in life too! Especially now that you are away from all of that chaos...and those poor dogs. : ( It's fortunate all of you got out of there before they hurt you anymore than they already have. Good luck in your new life and all the best!

Congratulation on your freedom, and please protect it. Before the divorce is finalized, put that restraining order on him, so as not to further physically interfere with you and the kids, a preventive measure. If the rest of the relatives do not honor the restraining order, avoid talking to them. <br />
Oh saying, keep your friends close, and your enemy closer.