Its Over

I've said my story in a few other forums. Its time to say something here.

 

I told my husband just last Thursday that he has to let me go. Things started getting rocky from the beginning. I tried to tell my self I was being silly. Then I found out about a load of debt that his mother had left him.. that was then loaded on to the debt that we were already building with a new house and dreams too big for our own good. After our daughter was conceived everything changed. He looked at me different. Always told me I looked BIG. How was that supposed to make me feel. I hated everyday I was pregnant. Then she came and I thought things would change. But it was always about me as a mom.. not his wife.. not a person. I hated it. I had a daughter from a previous relationship. My husbands relationship with her started to fail. I finally told him there were big issues.

That was September 2009 maybe earlier. He never talks about it. Just sits there stunned. Like I hit him with the car. Takes him days to digest then makes one comment than take another few days to say something else. The night before Halloween was the one of those nights where I said a lot of things and he sat stunned. I could not sit there. I left. Went to a friend's  house. Cheated after a few beers. Then passed out on her couch. The worst part for him .. was that it was a girl. I could not lie about it even if Id wanted to. She left a huge hickey on my neck. She is still a great friend to me and nothing has happened since.

Things continue it be rocky. His mother sent him with a letter for me, letting me know how she really felt about me. He said he wanted me to see what she had to say.  Since then, I do not even like being around his parents. It make a life together very hard. I just feel fake. Like no one really knows what to say.

So i continue to see my friend... openly. Always telling him where and about when I should be home. He gets mad but hides it.

Finally Thursday I forced him to talk. He brought up a load of little things that bother him and then had the balls to ask me why I dont bring up the bad things when they happen instead of sitting on them til I cant any more.

I told him I was done ... I told him we have not been happy in a long time. We have only been married 2.5 years. The longest years of my life.

I am 24 years old and it is time for me to live.

 Today he tells me.. He doesn't want to pay child support for my mistake. I told him we are not divorcing because I cheated or this would have started with you in October. Not sure why I feel scared again... but I do. I know I have to stay strong and get out of this with my head up.

jabebff jabebff
22-25, F
2 Responses Feb 15, 2010

Thank you for the kind words. I am trying really hard to be civil. He throws comments and words at me... I finally told him the other night that I wish him well in life and the only thing that I can say is Im sorry that you were married to me when i figured out that I am a lesbian. I wish I could tell him I love her and that she treats me way better than he ever could... but I wont do that. It has to stay civil til the house sells and the papers are finalized.

I'm sorry for your issues. People are strange and hard on each other way too often. Yes, keep your head....but remember he's only human also and he might just as well be hurt because he thought things would be a certain way also. That being said try to be polite and civil and smart. Good luck to you it is a hard thing you are going and about to go threw but you can do it.