September 16th, 2009.  The day I came home and told him straight up, "I WANT A DIVORCE."  2 weeks later, he moved out.  I absolutely have no regrets.  I do look back at those events, but sadness does not come up at all.  I am not numb when it comes to this.  I just recognize that this was what I truly wanted and needed to find my happiness in life.

I do not regret getting married.  I learned a lot through the course of it.  Perhaps marriage truly isn't for me.  I respect those that truly are able to work at their marriage, and have that balancing act.  I do.  To me, right now, 5 months later, my marriage is over.  I do not view myself as married even though I still technically am.  

I am at the point in my life where I want to date again, where I want to try my shot at love again.  I am not afraid other than the fact of wondering if I'll ever find a relationship that will truly last forever, a relationship that will not fizzle out, and a relationship where the two of us will continue to grow together as one, and will continue to support each other's dreams along the way.  

The problem I had with him is that he had zero dreams other than to start a family.  The one thing I didn't think I was able to give him.  The one thing I was not ready for in life.  I have come to realize that part of me wants a man that will also take care of me.  Someone who will have an opinion, someone who will share their dreams and adventures with me.  Someone who inspires me to be more than I already am.  

To this day, I have no regrets from the minute I told him those words.  It was TRULY the one thing I wanted.  To be honest, I have never been happier. :)

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6 Responses Feb 19, 2010

On several issues I truly empathise with you Demetrie. I, too am married to a person with no opinion or self direction.I am a mother of 4 beautiful children. I am very grateful for them and am trying to raise them to be self-sufficient and independent, thinking individuals. My husband of nearly 17 years however, has treated me more like his caretaker than his partner over the years. Only recently(last 2 years or so) has he realized how helpless and automated he has been. That is because I put my foot down. All the family decisions were for me to make. He had no interest in decisions relating to our kids either. I asked him to become involved, but there was always a reason for him bowing out, except when he wanted something for himself of course. I also have had a roomate, instead of a vested partner or a husband. I can only speculate (after getting no real answers out of him) that it is just very easy to shift the responsibility to someone else. I am not that type of person. It sounds like you are not either. I need someone stronger than that. I am not overbearing or bossy by nature, so I do not enjoy being someone elses crutch all the time. This is especially true when I perhaps need some support or reinforcement myself. That is a lonely feeling, that is ,when your own spouse expects you to be there for everything that they need, but they aren't at all there for you. I have lived with that for many, many years. I now finally understand that I can't change him, that's not my job, and that I can't fix it by myself either. I have made so many changes to try to save my marriage. Now the changes I make will be for myself. So where does that leave me and my children? I too have decided that my happiness will not be WITH my husband. It took me over 3 solid years of soul searching and counseling to figure it out, but I too have told my husband that I want a divorce. You are exactly right when you say "that is not a fair relationship". I see that now more than ever. I Wish you the best moving forward!

See my comment on one of your threads in confessions

Ignore SPG!<br />
<br />
They are very self righteous!!!

I 'wonder" WHAT you contributed To The Marriage.<br />
(You give "no indication" YOU "tried to make it work".)<br />
A "marriage" SHOULD be A Union 'Between Two People WHO GIVE TO EACH OTHER'. Holding "back" NOTHING.<br />
There is "no reference point" in your comment(s) THAT This Actually Occurred "in your relationship".<br />
To "me", THAT IS SAD.

Well I can tell you that divorce can be the best thing that ever happened to you! It taught me what I wanted, what I didn't, what was a dealbreaker and what wasn't...I was divorced last Spring and have been dating someone since June and it is WONDERFUL.

I love a woman that know what she want, and how. I thought you would rely on a man to take care of you, have a vision of future goals to share, and also stimulated to do adventurous things, like mountain climbing, scuba diving, or skiing. Well, now I realize that is what you will do, and you will be happy reaching for the stars. If a guy come around that is outgoing as you are, that may be your new partner.<br />
Enjoy life to the fullest, dream big, go high, and stay excited.