My Wife Wants To Leave Me

I will start this story from the beginning...

Me and my wife met senior year of high school, we were both 17, it truly was love at first site. I had just moved mid-high school from the small town of beacon falls,CT to the enormous city of Orlando,FL. We became best friends, within a week were were dating and within three we were official. We had the strongest relationship I have ever seen from anyone our age group. Her parents hated me from day one... to this day I have no idea why? Her parents even decided to send her off to Tennessee to live for two months to try and separate us; Through all of this we held strong and true. We got our first apartment at 18 and moved in together, It was rough but we loved each other and made it happen. In fact when I look back it seems everything was against us but we still pushed on. At 19 I decided to join the army to make everyone happy, I wanted to do it, her parents wanted her to be taken care of, and my family thought it was a good thing too. So we decided to get married, and I was set to ship out to basic training the day after. We have the most beautifully wedding and I was the happiest man alive.

It all went downhill from that point. The next day I drive down to the local MEPS and was prepared to ship out, she comes along....we just can't do it. We had just gotten married the day before, and I could not leave her, I loved her so much, I just didn't have the strength to do it. I decide to go to college instead, and we are both living at my parents house at this point. This is where I start to mess up big time for the next year or so.

About six months into our marriage I become very un-happy, I don't really have a specific reason, I was (and still am) very young and prone to making horrible choices, I stopped sleeping with her, I spent very little time with her, I missed going out with friends and partying. So, I slept with another woman, probably the worst choice I have ever made in my life. It was a one time thing and I told her the very next day. I was so confused on what to do, my parents kicked me out of the house because they found out I had cheated on her, my wife was living at her parents house, and I had this poor girl I had involved in a mess that wasn't hers. I needed to clear my head...and a place to live.

A friend of mine from back in Connecticut offered me a place to stay, so I hoped on the next plane to Connecticut and began my next terrible mistake. I was in Connecticut for about 2 months without my wife, I talked to her on the phone numerous times a week and we were working things out. We both decided it would best to move Connecticut so I flew back down to Orlando and we both drove back up to CT. Things went very well for the first 2 months we were in CT, then we both started to get into drugs. I became very depressed and experienced lots of anxiety. I took alot of my anger and emotion out on her, and for that I am very sorry. I was verbally and on one occasion physically abusive to her, I had become a monster, It is very hard for me to even recollect and type this, I am in tears.

I decided to move back to Orlando, I needed to get us away from all these drugs and I wanted to go back to school. I wanted to fix this! I wanted to go home so bad I left 3 days before she did, and this caused alot of issues. I arrive in Orlando DEC 12Th, 2009, her a few days later. On Christmas eve a few weeks later she told me she wanted a divorce, My world, life, future, dreams, all crashed around me, I probably deserved it. I did not speak to her for about a week, I finally was able to get in touch with her, and she still insisted she wanted a divorce. So fast forward its been almost 2 months since she said she wanted a divorce, I am coping but I miss my wife terribly. Some days are worse then others but I need to concentrate on me getting better. I was the cause of this separation so I have to change myself. She had her issues too but they aren't important, I can't change her, only my self.

Where should I go from here? I love this woman with all my life, I have not touched a drug since October of 09, nor do I plan too. I want her back, I want to touch her, hold her, talk to her, she is my best friend and I feel so lost at times without her. Everyone is telling me to give her space, but i want nothing more then to see her. I haven't seen or spoken to her in about 2 weeks. I no i deserve the worst but I am changing and I want her in my life.


Thank you to all who read this, and offer me support-

cconroy11 cconroy11
18-21, M
6 Responses Feb 21, 2010

Though this is not the end of the world it will sure feel like it. I say cut your losses and make this a life lesson. You can not and will not make a much needed change in your life. You have too much emotional baggage. Some things can not be fixed once broken. Just remember your next relationship all the hurt and damage you have caused and do not do it again.

Women have a difficult time getting over infidelity! Six and half years ago, my wife and I had a really rough period. She was cold, and angry~ I was irresponsible, and foolish... Always a bad combination. I would often approach her for physical affection, A hug, a kiss, the occasional booty. Often she would tell me to go somewhere else. <br />
Well... one night I followed her advice, and she caught wind of it. Guilt made me fess up to my crime and I told her I should leave. She didn't want me to leave at that point, and gave me lots of lovin... for a couple of months anyway. I tried to make it up to her, but never could. She filed for a divorce a week ago. I tried to stop it , but the wheels are already in motion. I asked her why? " I cook, clean, take care of the house, love you, love our children!!!!!" Her response was, "you cheated on me!!!!" Cut your loses dude!

I had also the same problem as you, but the Aleq Sini CD Be Happy - Feel Good helped me,I can recommend you check it page :

You are both still young and lots of things can happen. Get your life together and figure out who and what you want. She needs a man in her life not a boy.

My friend, let me assure you of one can, and will get through this; and you will be stronger for it. why can i say that? i am going through my fourth right now. i have survived. Each marriage has been better than the last, for various reasons. I truly hope you and your lady can work things through and give it another go. That does happen through persistence and hard work - but only if both parties want it. If she has soured on the relationship, and unless she can return with renewed love and respect and a full commitment, it will not last for long. I'm afraid wanting it is not enough...<br />
Good luck to you both. Keep working on yourself no matter what. Do not give up. keep living, keep learning, and keep trying.

After re-reading this I realize I left out some info, She hasn't filed papers yet. Should I be trying to get in contact with her and tell her how much I love and care for her? or should just be keeping a low profile and let her come to me....this is so complicated and hurts so much.

I'd suggest writing her and letting her know how you feel and saying you're willing to give her space if she wants and and then following through with it if that is the case. Also, if there is any chance of reconciling you both will need to seek counseling together or maybe to start with apart. She is going to need to deal with healing from past wrongs if there is going to be any chance of a future of you both being together without the past coming up and haunting you.

Anything is possible but whatever the outcome you need to learn and grow from it. I think you've learned a lot of valuable lessons and I respect the fact you can look into the mirror and see your own faults and mistakes and fully admit them. That right there is something gained from all of this.

Like I said let her guide the not try to sway her one way or the other. Give her time to think and realize what she really wants. If you truly love'll give her what she ultimately wants in this and support her in that.