Just thinking about how I have kids now... it weighs on my mind like crazy. I'm so sexually obsessed, and I love my wife, but if I don't check myself, I can worship women, period. The female body, especially a voluptuous woman, not one of those skinny and bony Calvin Klein models (not that anything is wrong with them, just not my flavor) but a woman who well endowed in all areas looks like a theme park just waiting to be stimulated and polished until she's ready to let me get in and ride. I mean, there's nothing about a woman I don't love, especially if she has a cool personality and easy going and down to earth. It's hard to find a woman like that. I'm not looking, because my wife is great, but being married doesn't take from the fact there are some fine, fine white girls, island girls, asians.... man, Jesus, some french girls with those accents, brazilian girls, african girls.... As you can tell, it's an f*%kn problem. The struggle is real. And my wife, she is great with it, and I'm careful not to bring it into the light as often as I'm distracted, but we are open with each other like that. I married her because she is the complete essence of my other half, and we discuss whatever comes up. We fight to stay honest, even if its brutal. Not many marriages can boast about that, so it's not her I'm really concerned about. It's my damn kids, man. I don't want my son to grow up obsessed the way I was. I don't want my daughter to see me like that. I don't want their spirits to subconsciously pick that trait up from my spirit how strong and important sex is to me. My father despised my grandfather because he constantly cheated on his mother with so many women. I mean, he didn't hate him, but his father was not well esteemed in his eyes. I never want my children to see me in that light, the light that their father burned with so much lust. And I'm not crazy enough to go and cheat, I'm not, I just needed to vent about this so when I come back years later, I can see if I've grown from this. This is just a passing thought drilling my head right now. I don't want my kids to inherit my faults as a human. Whatever their faults will be, I don't want them to stoop as low as my secrets. I know I don't have control over that, but I can tip the scale by influence as much as I can. I'm just scared over what this world will show them, but I'm not an advocate for sheltering. *Sighs* It's gonna be one hell of a ride.
DoctrineDark DoctrineDark
31-35, M
Aug 25, 2014