Dying @ 30-something

 it might be nice if i actually said hello to everyone be4 i dumped all my crap on yall, huh? i am soooo scattered & crazed lately & not coping well @ all. this has been the worst 6mo ever!! in feb our 2story 4bdrm home burned to the ground d/t an electrical issue, our insurance company--well, our adjuster embessled $80,000 off our claim (per the tx state att gen), meanwhile the state has not permitted anything/work 2b done @ our home until the fraud is completely investigated (we lost 100% of everything), not even 1 shingle has been ordered! UGGGGHHH!!!! june 2nd i miss-carried after completion of the 1st trimester, completely unaware i was pregnant...& 15d later i was dx w/ pheochromocytomas. none of my doc's have treated 1 sucessully b4. then 48h later, hematology called to say...good newz--no cancer markers BUT d/t wbc, +ana, & plateles you also have lupus. FAN-FRIKIN-TABULOUS!!!!! now the really messed up part iz this: tx 4 lupus will make the pheo worse & tx of the pheo will exacerbate the lupus. and the 2 dx together are attacking my cardio system & might kill me via CVA or a MI. they are desperate to get control of my cardiac syst. oooooooooboy..... i wasnt looking fwd to my birthday this yr, i will be 35 aug 19th...now my doc's hope i make it. yes...i did make an appt w/psych!! i know when i am whooped!! i am cryin' uncle. i lack the skills to cope w/this. but every-1 in the family is lookin @ me to be positive, the #1 cheerleader, since i am the R.N. i just dont have it in me--i really dont. i need help. i need advice. i am so glad yall r out here. thnx 4 listening to my verbal diarrhea yall. i am a smart-*** blunt italian w/a gift 4 hyperballee. i hope i havnt offened any-1. you cant really get a sense 4 someone all the time just by the type. i wld love 2 hear any/all suggestions & advice, and if i can assist any of yall i wld love 2! i hav a BSN (NURSING) & A B.A. IN GERONTOLOGY...i was working on my masters in nursing to b a geriatic nurse practioner or ARNP. stragely enuff, too bad yher izint any-1 with my co-morbidities. thank u again 4 listening. 
krismondryRN krismondryRN
31-35, F
2 Responses Jul 30, 2010

Do not give up.I know the pain cause i have a good friend on EP that has lupus.I have adrenal gland insufficency.On steriod for life and also biabetes,cholesteral,hbp,depression,obesity and osteoarthritis.I am 62 yrs old and have suffered so much all these years.My dear friend,i am always around if you need a listening ear.HUGS and LOVE.

Kris, it's hard for me to imagine what you are going thru. I have a friend and a cousin with lupus so I know what you are experiencing in regards to this. My friend with lupus was a gifted seamstress and artist, but due to the lupus destroying her connective tissue, can't do either anymore. It's very very sad. I had a miscarriage a couple of years ago so i commiserate with you in regards to this. What I strongly believe is that we are limitless souls with spirits that don't die. When your body dies it won't be the end, you'll eventually be rweborn again and most likely have the same partner and family and friends, souls that know each other gravitate towards each other. I hope when you are reborn you have a better life. We are born to face challenges and everything eventually gets better and better. Love GemmaRavenBird