Still Hurts Like Hell..what A Silly Girl I Am

The first month of the big B is approaching so here's the progress so far of how I spent it...

Good Bits
1. Walked out on my job which was just driving me to be an insecure bat (hence affecting the 'put together' image my ex adored me for)
2. Went totally mental in any club nights I was invited to since when me and my ex were together he would be either too tired or too sick to go
3. Got the groove back on!!! Yes I can't dance but I sure can have fun to some beats my Gothic ex boyfriend thought too ahem...alive
4. Plucked a few strings on the guitar to make a sultry song. Forgot it by now
5. Caught up with all my old friends. They do like the new and single Me cos she's not restrained at all and talks for England
6. Did a lap dance for one the old friend's 30th
7. Snogged some new totty
8. Finally gave a chance to a guy who's been chasing me for quite a while (hey my ex kept texting one of his old crushes right in front of me till 1am when we were together)
9. Got to see the good in people (friends and family have been very supportive)
10. Went to therapy-something I have never done before
11. Actually smiled at strangers
12. Aced quite a few interviews and knocked virtually other candidates socks off (they got the job though)
13. Confidence level has soared. Literally.
14. Had a girly night in
15. Shared breakup tips with me mates
16. Got a new job (and more new crushes, huhuhu)
17. Wrote very rational thoughts with balanced out perspectives avbout the relationship which have saved me from turning up on his doorstep
18. Caught up on MY computer games that he used to mentally diss
19. Had a good cry. On absolutely everyone
20. Leaned the importance of human touch, purely platonic which I wouldn't able to do in a relationship considering that I wasnt able to sign off messages with a simple 'x' to anyone apart from him. It felt very noble to counsel friends with human touch.
21. Played songs I would never even dream of playing in front of my ex because they were far too happy and bouncy for him
22. Got to know stuff about myself from another perspective (He wasn't at my level or league because I was far too lively and attractive..oooo pile on the praises...!!! To be fair though he was a very beautiful boy)
23. Looked at the experiences of others and found out that I wasnt alone

Bad bits
1. Didn't eat for two weeks
2. Didn't sleep for two weeks
3. Checked his profys online and found out he was in regular correspondance with a telephone 1800 domanatrix prostitute
4. ALWAYS thought of him (and stupidly still do)
5. Got paranoid that every light brown haired semi tall fella was him and I would have to evacuate the area
6. Made a right obsessive *** out of myself infront of all those supportive mates (I'm Okay everyone!!! Am just getting some fresh air!!)
7. Waited by the phone. Bit pointless considering he changed his number.

As you can see the good points were about giving myself a chance. The bad points were about giving him a chance. Pattern there.

My point is that it does take time to see things thru. This doesnt really depend on how long you have known them but just how much they have meant to you. My ex was someone I tended to, like a baby-I had him covered from issues such as hygiene to love because I was his first. What the worst thing was is that I built the confidence that he had little of in the beginning which he used against me to move on. It really does hurt knowing that he finds it so much more easier to move on and I have to make twice as much effort to stop being obsessive over him. But Time does help and if you let yourself and others help you it is so much more easier. I haven't got over the relationship completely but very much look forward to the day when I will-I have done so much in this relationship and intend to do so much more for myself and the people that deserve it. For all you break uppers, you have my hugs and empathy and always remember that there was a great person your ex had seen which you can have back again, only this time even better.

Fishtar Fishtar
1 Response Feb 5, 2012

i love the fact that you really see the good side of the break up!<br />
as im struggling with mine (usually the girl get to feel bad) reading this makes me feel good, probably i should come up with my own list :-) <br />
time is the real enemy but hey, once i meet the next amazing guy, i will learn to appreciate the time in return.meanwhile, another warm hugs to others who gone through this ****** time *hugs*