Soul Mates Who Were Lovers Who Are Trying To Be 'special Friends'?

I have been debating within myself whether i prefer writing on pen and paper or sharing on-line. I thought today I would experiment to sus out the difference. So is it the pen or keyboard...today the keyboard although i feel like stopping and picking up the pen.,..but i thought my musing may benefit others and i may learn from them..so here goes.

To recap I broke up with my former girlfriend in late july 2012...We have both come back to each other but both not taken up the offer to get back together....it seems miss timed but also that our time has passed. However, we have been in regular communication by text or phone almost on a daily basis since then. I have wondered why she still wants to communicate with me...i largely leave it up to her to call although when my heart goes to wax, I text and call. the answer to this question..is that we still love each other but it is not being expressed as it was when we were together..She calls me for 'emotional' support...when she needs to chat as her two young boys (12 & 4) are very demanding. When we were together, I used to love to look after her..cook & clean,....and give her a rest & care for her...She would care for me too...this relationship worked really well...despite our 16 years difference in our age...however the total situation caused me to burn out and i walked out abruptly and left....I got burnout trying to uphold her life, mine, her two sons...and an angry ex...I think I would be in a different space with these issues now...but it is conjecture...yet still our bond persists.

She is now on another dating site and actively looking for relationship yet we are in constant contact...not of the romantic kind but we do get reminiscent at times...but we are soul mates who were lovers who were together are trying to move to friendship. The manner and number of texts have changed..She calls me and is checking her email (reading responses from dating sites) and has told me about some of the new 'friends' she has made..not all..but when the topic comes up we talk..i try not to intrude...Understandably, she is looking for a long term committed relationship and there is one particular guy who may fit the bill...

So recently we have had an anniversary of our first meeting...I thought I would not respond on the day as i didn't want to drag us into the past which is delightful to remember but seems so long ago as much water has passed under the bridge..I sent me a text in the morning and another in the evening...She had had a few drinks..and text me and I called her...We started talking and reminiscing and i was playing with myself as it was a sweet chat and many memories...it was also bloody hot and I was naked in bed...We talked some more and then I said 'so would you like to celebrate in person..sure enough not long later I was in my car driving to her place about 2 hours away at about 1am in the morning...under the moonlight..

So I arrive...in record time..tap on her window...she comes out to the garden setting...we talk, chat and kiss...and soon we are making love in my van which i have arranged for some sweet lovemaking with her...This where we started our 'soul mate sex'. I her words i was 'on heat' and it was lovely to have this part of my life back which i thought was lost to the past...The only thing is we couldn't wake up her children...eventually her little one awoke and we had to stop...The same thing happened the next night...it was beautiful and balmy...i a massaged her slowly....went down on her in the moonlight...and we made energetic love in my van again...so this is how we celebrated our anniversary...I also stayed around at her house whilst she was at work and helped clean, cook and wash...just to express my love, gratitude and respect for her...We also had some nice talking 'non sex' time together as we were both worn out...

It was during this time we worked our that we were 'special friends'...We love each other...and have told each other such.., soul mates, connect on every level...enjoy each other sexually...yet the 'living situation of the real world' & the things that made us breakup are still there... particularly the angry ex who pours out his broken heart to his son..she is looking for another relationship...and exclusive one..and me..well I have a few friends that I have great chat relationships with and occasionally see other people..although this hasn't happened for a while...So our agreement is that until things become exclusive...this is what we are...We will see each other occasionally, possibly once and month...and enjoy 'us' until such time as we decide otherwise...but i know she is shifting her emotional centre and so have I to a degree...but we still find solace in each other...

I think when things become exclusive then our communication will have to cease...this is what I said to her...but she replied that she tells everyone of my status 'as a very special friend' and she was going to tell this new guy that we were lovers and soul mates and that we are still in touch with each other...will it work??

So for those of us going through a breakup....I have learnt one thing...writing on-line or pen and paper rebalances the emotional and rational by putting both in proper perspective and context..It stops stuff looping in your head...or at least can assist with the constant 'going over' in your mind...Rereading your own stuff helps see the progress your made..the bullshit your carry on with..and common themes that seem to be emerging which ultimately helps you move on...AND it helps overloading friends and family and necessitates ownership of our own self created ****** situs...Then your friends, family & ex can see that you are dealing with issues, confronting and owning them...so that your not a 'pain in the arse' and can be productive and positive with your own life..I've actually going to print out my blogs on EP...and put them together with my 'pen and paper' writing and sorta make a book for myself about whole experience from ecstasy to agony...maybe a working title...

It also helps the realisation that you both must move on with your lives..and as hard as it maybe that the other person needs the freedom to do such...each person brings a new aspect of love which is never the same..I love her and want to give her that freedom...because I would like to think that if there is a person that can fit into her life...and deal with the issues of her life...that is best for her......and me...

So my EP friends...what do you think of our situ? what is your experience?...I'm open to your advice and friendship..
featherhat featherhat
41-45, M
Dec 1, 2012