Everyday Is Different, I Never Know What to Expect.

Three months ago, I broke-up with my live-in boyfriend of six years.  Our relationship had gone to nothing more than two strangers saying hi to eachother as they passed in the hallway.  He didn't make any time for me.  He lived in front of the computer playing video games.  On the weekends I'd ask him if he wanted to . . . fill in the blank, and he would laugh at me saying, no, he was to busy.  We had fights about this type of thing, but nothing ever changed.  He had concerns of his own, didn't like that I gained weight and would always bring that up whenever we fought.  It hurt so much, but I failed every time I tried to do something about it.  One morning, we got into a fight, because he got home early and wouldn't walk the dog for me.  I was suppose to walk the dog for him to help him out, but since he was home, thought he could do it as I was on my way to work.  I was angry and told him to stop controlling my life.  He thought I said ruin his life and told me he wanted to break-up.  At work he sent emails on how the break-up was going to work.  Then, a couple days later, he went with the "just kidding" and wanted to get back together.  We fought about getting back together.  As part of the fight, I gave him a ring and told him to use the size, kind of a "duh" thing, I thought.

The next day, I broke-up with him.  I was completely sure of all of this at the time, but now I'm not so positive.  He's been crying every day since we broke-up three months ago.  We didn't talk for the first part, but we did recently.  It turns out, he bought a ring the day I broke-up with him.  I can't belive how different our perceptions were of the make-up fight.  

I dated a guy for a couple months after we broke-up.  That didn't work out, because my ex started to get to me.  My ex didn't buy me a birthday present.  He didn't tell me this, but he was trying to get a Wii.  Since they are so hard to get, he wasn't able to get me one.  Now, he has a Wii and wants to give it to me.  All this new attention from my ex is breaking me down.  I still love him and don't know what to do.  I told him we could see eachother in three weeks, as friends.  He sent me an email saying I should expect presents, old ones I should have had already (probably a Wii), new ones he bought for me (probably the ring) and ones he made.  When we do meet, he's working on making it really special.  He wants to rent a boat and share a bottle of wine on it.  All this, and he really doesn't have any money.  I'm not used to anyone doing this for me, especially him.  

To help clear-up the confusion, I made a list of the reasons we broke-up.  1) He wasn't making time for me, 2) I didn't want to live a life in front of the TV, 3) He doesn't like my friends or family, 4) He doesn't like the way I look, because I gained weight, 5) bad sex life because i don't feel sexy, 6) he always puts wrappers/garbage on the counter instead of the garbage, 7) he acts like a teenager when it comes to doing anything around the house, 8) he put his computer before me

This list doesn't help.  We were together for so long, i miss him so much.  He promises me he's had an epiphany and realizes how much i meant to him.  He says he doesn't even go on the computer anymore.  He says he'll hang out with my friends and family and is sorry for how he acted in the past.  He basically says he will change, if we ever get back together.  I didn't belive him at first, but now i'm breaking down.  

Every day is different.  I don't know how to deal with everything.  All my friends are married, so I find it hard to talk to them about this.  My friends at work aren't that close yet, so I feel bad dumping this on them.  The guy I dated for a while is angry with me for loving my ex, so I can't talk to him about this. 

How do you move on from an ex?  All my friends and family tell me I made the right decision.  I love my ex and just don't know what to do.  I thought writing this would make me feel better, but I'm still unsure. 

Help me with comments if you can.  Love hurts.

Jackers Jackers
26-30, F
2 Responses Aug 19, 2008

don't worry about him. enjoy being yourself for a while.

I am going through a break-up, too, and I know it's really stressful. I think you definitely did the right thing. It sounds like there are numerous reasons why you broke up with him. And it sounds like they are very crucial reasons. You deserve better than to be treated so unfairly. Sometimes the right decisions aren't the easy ones, you know?