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Moving On...

I wrote this as I was moving out of my house before the divorce was final. 

I'm going through 20ish years of stuff...tons of crap. I am moving. I was 18 years old when i married it was 1989. i turned 19 a few months later. I found my wedding album and was going through some of the pages. I found advice that I got from the ladies at one of my showers at the time. Too bad I didn't listen.

1. give each other space to be an individual and do their own thing. Then you can come together and share your experiences. Balance togetherness with apartness (we really ****** this one up)
2.trust( i blew it)
3. prefer one another(well now i'd just prefer him to move to another state if it wasn't for our son)
4. don't be angry at the same time(he was always mad no matter what. I swear he made **** up to be angry about)
5. try to understand the other side of the situation(I did this for too many  years,i  ignored my own feelings)
6. love each other like Christ(I tried and my faith was not strong enough)
7.keep good communication(he always told me to stop talking, well his wishes have come true- now he wants me to talk)
8.Keep Christ in your marriage(this is good advice actually)
9. no matter what trial always pray and let your spouse know your feelings(yea...i failed)
10.be sensitive to each others feelings(eventually the only feeling left is numb)
11. never let the sun go down on anger(well it never went away and the earth simply kept rotating around the sun, it just happens)
12.kids are very important because they bring joy to your life(well my kids do bring joy but they are honestly happier now that we are apart)
13.the most important thing about marriage is that each person be close to the Lord. Then, when they have differences in opinion, they'll have the same goal of serving the Lord ( this is very good advice....wished i'd have listened before things spiraled out of control)
14.be a helpmate to each other(when someone depends on drugs, the helpmate gets burned out. he did help me too at times, i have to admit)
15. trust one another and treat each other as you would like to be treated. little hurts left unattended can cause large problems later(this is great advice for any relationship)
16.praise is just as important and a lot more fun(ex just didn't like himself enough to see good things in other people and then actually voice the things he liked)

I am divorced legally at this point. I am still wrestling with it in my head. No matter how many times I say that i'm a divorced mother of three, i have difficulty accepting the label.I understand why people go back to bad relationships. I am trying to figure out the balance between being a drama queen and always be in a state of chaos or the opposite (which is where i tend to be drawn to) being too afraid of changing things up too much. I also have a great deal of shame that I need to reconcile. I am seeking absolution from the wrong person. ijustneed2forgivemyself.
ijustneed2talk ijustneed2talk 41-45, F 4 Responses May 16, 2012

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There are so many of us on ep to hear what its like on the other side of this nightmare. Who follows advice when they are young, anyway. You obviously learned plenty. Emjoy your hard earned new start . : )

As with most things it just takes time, and sometimes divorce takes more the older we get. But I assure you it gets easier.

Something about our generation, every seemed to be in a such a rush to get married as soon as they left high school. Barely knowing what a job is, not even close to knowing what a career is, so many struggled too early.

that is amazing advice~ I wish I had gotten that 20 years ago~

You know this was so hard. It's why people shouldn't get married so young. I remember reading these little pieces of advice back then and it didn't register. I just didn't think I would ever have any problems. I just thought I knew everything. Why didn't i listen? thanks for all of your comments.