Help Me.

My fiance and I were together for six years, since I was 17. We have two beautiful children together. I went through everyday catering to his every desire. I cooked, cleaned, did all of it plus worked 45 hours a week. He worked 35-40 hours per week. A few months ago I cheated on him. It was momentary, I stopped it but it had already begun. I ended it with him out of shame for myself and not knowing what else could be done. At first I felt liberated. I'd go out to bars flirt with who I wanted, watch what I wanted on T.V. Then I realized the partying was beginning to be an unhealthy pattern. I wanted to start focusing on what I really wanted to do. Meanwhile everyday he was at my house to see the kids, which he wouldn't really spend time with them he spent time making me feel guilty. I felt I had no space. He pined over me and wanted me back. But he mostly was making me feel guilty so it just made me angry. Then on Mothers day he made me a card that touched my heart. At the time I was too proud to say anything. He came for a visit with the girls and I asked he take the garbage to the dumpster on his way out. He said "what will you do for me" So I gave him a hug. I felt feelings rush through me and I hesitated. 3 days after this he met a woman. In two weeks time she was living there. She wants to be my friend and frankly I want to pull her hair out. I told my fiance how I felt and he told me he's happy and to move on with my life. Now I sit here at midnight, knowing I clock into work in 5 hours. I haven't slept in weeks. I've lost 10 pounds and the man I gave everything I could to has now replaced me this fast. I know I wasn't being too great to him. But between the time of the split and the move out I'd fall apart and want him to hold me. I want to put my family back together and now the first person he meets is just better than I could ever be. I want to die. I won't kill myself but I wouldn't be horribly disappointed if a semi smashes me on my way to work tomorrow. I don't know what to do. I sit here a single mom of two kids working in a Bakery. The other fish in the sea won't want me. And frankly I don't want them. I want my family back. I've spent my whole life doing everything everyone told me to. I made a 2 minute error and my life is destroyed. I have to see him twice a week due to the children and everytime I do I fall to peices. I can't help it. Now he certainly doesn't want me because I make him uncomfortable. He did the same thing to me at first while I was still "finding myself". I don't want this ***** (sorry but I've never once seen her wear a bra, it's disgusting) to take what I've put so much of my life into. Please tell me there's a light at the end of this tunnel. I've seen a therapist who pretty much thinks I'm perfectly normal and basically said that I really don't need to be seeing him. But I can't sleep, I'm trying to get promoted but how can I do that if I can't get proper rest before work. Please someone just cast a spell to fix all of this.
luckygirl615420 luckygirl615420
Jun 30, 2012