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Trying To Get Divorced

When I started the divorce process, it was supposed to be a simple disillusionment. Then I got the settlement terms from my wife's lawyer. They were asking for what amounted to over 80% of my net income. Five hundred of that amount was for the support of our son. When my stbx realized she could not live with our son I was granted custody but the amount of support asked for was not decreased to compensate me for having custody, they just didn't ask me for the 500 they originally asked for.
That was over six months ago and all we have done since then is run up legal bills by trading emails and phone calls between our lawyers. Their support request, remained the same. With the 500 support for my son removed, they now were only asking for 74% of my net income. When I explained to them, through my lawyer, that if you take the 500 a month they were asking for my son's support off of the 26% of my net income that remained and then took off just the mortgage payment, I was left with negative income.
A couple of weeks ago I received a summons asking for me to appear for a hearing on a legal separation. They are asking for the same amount of support for a separation that they have been asking for a divorce for the last six months. Why would I agree to those terms for a separation when I could have gotten a divorce with those terms? I am sure no judge would order me to give up 74% of my net income so what is the point?
Are all divorces like this???
OmyTVC15 OmyTVC15 51-55, M 4 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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My divorce is very much similiar. I gave up 2 professional careers while I was witrh my husband. One was to care for our disabled son, the other was to work for his business....which I did for no income for 10 years. After 22 years of marriage, I received an email from him while he was ice fishing at our cottage...he was ending our marriage. I dicovered that he was doing so because he had not one, but two girlfriends...one was the office girl I hired. Not only did I hire her, but I paid her electric bill so it was not shut off, co-signed for a car for her, promoted her when she did not really deserve it. I later came to find out, he had slept with pretty much all our employees with the exception of his mother.

Anyway...I now struggle to make a living and he and his latest gf just returned from their 7th vacation this year. He has manipulated the courts, threatened my lawyer, threatened me, threatened my friends, etc... I used to think the courts and law would be fair...not the case.

It is awful isn't it. I had a hearing finally last Thursday. It was only a status hearing. The lawyers met with a magistrate. I sat in a conference room and waited. They finally decided the student loans I have received (which were the only thing that kept my head above water this year), will counts as income to me even though they are loans I will have to pay back. I will be able to subtract out tuition and books. That was not in my favor. They also told my wife's lawyer that unless she can get a statement from a doctor stating that she cannot work they will impute full time minimum wage income to her. They also said she will be responsible for our son's support. Both of those a rulings in my favor. We have until the end of the month to file our papers and will probably have another hearing.
So basically it has taken over six months and $ 2,100 in legal fees (not counting what the hearing will cost me), to rule on the simple fact that my wife either needs to get a job or file for disability. What a system!
I know having my girlfriend live with me does not look good but I didn't meet her until I was separated and she didn't move in until after her lease ran out and she had few options left as far as where to live. I was supposed to be getting a disillusion and never though it would have taken this long.
I hope you can turn things around soon.

Every divorce is different, but one thing they all have in common is that someone loses his or her shirt. In mine (5 years ago) I was the loser. I let it happen because I didn't have the spirit to fight him. I just wanted it to be over. I knew that I could rebuild my finances in a few years. Here's the difference, though. I didn't have children. In reading your story, my recommendation is that you need a lawyer who is as aggressive as hers seems to be.

As in any negotiation process, she and her lawyer are starting high knowing they'll have to compromise along the way. You're right that no judge is going to demand 74% of your income. If she gets custody, you'll have to pay a lot, but not anything that high.

Are you in a position to take custody of your son and have her pay child support? It sounds as though that's more feasible for you.

It sounds like she's very angry and vindictive. That's unfortunate because your son is going to be effected by her anger.

Try to keep your equilibrium. You've got to be the stabilizing influence here. Also, I know this is hard, but try not to be angry at all women because of what's happening to you right now. Not all women are like this. There are very good ones out there and they can be good friends to you as you slog through this god-awful mess. Sending good thoughts your way.

I have and will keep custody of our son. I already have a new woman. I know most women are not like my wife. She is very bitter and vindictive but I knew that going into the divorce process.

Let it go infront of a judge and you "should" get a fair shake. I had the same type of situation and low and behold they had a come to "jesus" moment 2 days before trial and I finally got a fair request.

I plan on sending one last email to stbx asking her to get real. What do you think?

Not all divorces are like this but your wife has a greedy lawyer who is going to make money from her by dragging this out. Your wife has let her personality disorder take over any common sense. Now you know why you need a divorce. I do not think a judge will ask you to live on nothing.