Finally

I've been married for 13 years together for 16 years. I just filed for divorce, and I know its for the best but I feel sick inside. I had to be the one to do everything, work, take care of house and kids. Never did he once help out. Kids dont even miss him since he never interacted with them. He would go to work, run around do whatever he wanted. It was like he was single and did everything he wanted and I was never allowed to have a life too. We tried counseling, the counsler asked if i could go workout 2 a week, it was a big no. I was basically a single mom, my parents would help out. Hell my dad couldnt take the grass being so tall so he would come over to cut it.And my husband would let him do it. Even after the verbal abuse always thought it was my fault, still do but working on it. He has not been served yet and I'm scared what is reaction is going to be. He has a bad temper, hits walls and throws things. Just scared. Everyone thinks we have the perfect life, no one sees his nasty side, except my parents and sister. Even though I know its for the best I feel like I'm dying.
2lost2behappy 2lost2behappy
36-40, F
1 Response Dec 3, 2012

hello 2lost2behappy, i can empathized with you. my situation is somewhat similar with yours but not totally. you said in the beginning of your story "i know its for the best" and you said it again at the end. Trust your intuition. you have experienced what its like being married to him, and now that you have filed for divorce, why do you feel "worse than before". conquer this hurdle, and you will gain new freedom :) its better than being stuck in an abusive relationship.
i do understand that much is going on in your physical world now, and even more so in your mental world. yet, we have to calm down and seek peace, only then we can become more effective. like you, i came to EP, to vent and to seek encouragement.. there are good people here:) from the first day i was married to him, i did my best in everything, everyday, yes even today. but in everything i do, something is always not right. a very mild example is - after polishing up his dinner, (i could see he was enjoying it) leaving his empty plate on the table, he'd say sternly " the fish is too tough, you overcooked it. and its too bland, didnt you add salt?!" ... "Why are you walking so slowly"... "Why are you walking so fast?" through the years, i have learnt to give him the right response and the right answers ( of course sometimes the right answers are still wrong. hilarious!) this is my guide to living - my mind, my thoughts, they belong to me. i will not allow anyone to mess me up. of course, many a time, i do get affected by his nasty behaviour ( i am human afterall) but i learnt from a friend from EP, that we get to choose how we want to react... everyday! below is an extract from the dao de ching. i hope you feel encouraged.

Chapter 79 :
Failure is an opportunity.
If you blame someone else,
there is no end to the blame.

Therefore the Master
fulfills her own obligations
and corrects her own mistakes.
She does what she needs to do
and demands nothing of others.

sincerely, wishing you well.
Zen