Have You Ever Been At A Crossroads And You Could Not Decide Which Way To Go?

My wife and I starting dating as Juniors in high school. We graduated, began college, and then when she became pregnant, we married. We had our share of ups and downs. By the seventh year we had been married, we had three girls. We made some mistakes financially. Lost our home to foreclosure. I found a good job, and started going to school to get a better one. She has always wanted to be the stay at home mom. I thought she enjoyed it. She wanted to homeschool our kids, and she did for part of my eldest daughter's kindgergarten year, then decided not to. At some point it seemed as though my wife lost interest in being the stay at home mom, she wanted more for herself. She discouraged me from going to school even though I was doing well. The summer before she left she mentioned that she wanted to go to school to be a nurse. She said her mother refused to watch the kids so that she could go to these classes. At one point in the summer, I became very sick, I had hives and unusual reactions like my eyes swelling, diffiulty breathing, rashes all over. My doctor was at a loss for what was wrong with me. I was sick for weeks. My wife and I had an argument and she stormed out with the kids. She left me and left the state we lived in, moving 80 miles back to a place 15 minutes outside our home town. Her sister was renting out a room in a condo she owned, and let my wife and the kids move in there. Her family never liked me, so I am sure they never encouraged her to come back. After spending two months there, my wife began to demand that I pay her sister's the rent, $1,000 a month I didn't have, even though she was getting state benefits for the kids and herself, working at some temp job she found, and in addition to having no utility costs. This was money I didn't have. I had to live back at our foreclosed house with no heat, rationing my electricity usage, working, going to school, and feeling alone and miserable. I have begged and begged her to come back at this point. Then she started coming by on my days off from work and leaving the kids with me, even on days when I had school. When I tried to refuse one day, she said she and her boyfriend were going out of town for the weekend, and left the kids with my parents. My family finally said to me that I should cut her off, and so I did, reluctantly. Then she became enraged at this and left the kids with my parents. I missed two of my final exams. Barely got out of the semester with satisfactory grades. I continued to offer my sincere apologies for whatever she felt I had done to her, and while it seemed I was making some progress with her, she continued to make references to this boyfriend she had, and even refused my offer to go to dinner on mour anniversary because she wanted to spend the day with this boyfriend instead. I had enough. I hired a private investigator to gather evidence and filed for divorce. Despite following her around, they were never able to prove she ever had a boyfriend. When I confronted her, she said she had made it all up and never had a boyfriend. I tried one more time to get her to reconcile with me, but instead she took off and blocked everyone from contacting her phone, even her own family. Even though her own family could not get a response out of her for two months at some new phone number they got for her, they refused to let me have the number. They told me she moved far away and had no desire to speak to anyone. I tried for months and months to contact her at this number, when by chance I happened to contact her one day she was waiting for a call from an employer. She had been living in poverty. She had no money, renting a room month to month, living in an expensive inner city far away. I began to accept that she wasn't coming back but I cannot stop loving her. Everyday all I do is think about where she is, what she is doing. I tried to get a job close to my family and my hometown, and stopped going to school, trying to care for my young girls, all between 4 and 7 years old. I kept in contact with my wife, and learned she got a job working at a department store. She apparently has been moving from place to place, getting free stuff, and working at this department store, probably never making any money. One day I was at work and was nearly killed in this accident, I should have been crushed to death, but very narrowly escaped death by mere chance, and also avoided any serious injury. After it sank in how horrible of a death I had avoided, I began to have feelings again that I wanted to reconnect with my wife. Even though It had been 7 months since she had took off and disappeared off the map, I wanted to reconnect with her and let her know that I believed that I had been spared death for a reason. She agreed to let me and my eldest daughter come visit her. That was six months ago at this point (12 months since she disappeared, 18 months since she left me). My eldest daughter has seen her mother 4 times since July 2012. My youngest daughters reside with their grandmother and have had no contact from their mother in a year. I went back to my old job, but going through bankruptcy I can't get any place to rent, and I commute the 80 miles between my family's home, where my eldest daughter lives. Their mother (my wife, I suppose) has no intention to come back, not that I can tell, and I am a young guy, with no direction as to where I should go from here. I feel so alone all the time, and I have no drive to continue on. I am depressed all the time. I hate being this person. I want my kids to be proud of me. I see many people say get involved in a church, do this activity, do that. I feel like I have been left a young widower (so to speak). I feel terrible for what my kids are going through, but I feel like once i get past my financial problems, I will never be mentally well enough to care for my kids. I don't know if I can get past this depression.
Withoutdirection Withoutdirection
26-30, M
2 Responses Jan 6, 2013

i know how hard this is for you right now.i am also in a similar situation kind of .its really hard when you love someone but they don't want to be with you and you feel so alone.i am also in school trying to keep things together for me and my kids and ive wanted to give up so many times.i just want you to know that you should never give up on your dreams and ,.that i was once told i am my own scriptwriter.from this im learning to write my own story and not letting others decide it for me.Believe in yourself and take control even a small change can make a difference you know you can.believe in yourself and never give up.

Depression feels like you'll never get past it.
You will though.
I strongly suggest, if your insurance covers it, talking to a counselor.

Thanks for the advice. I am going to see a shrink soon. Hopefully it will help me.