Lost In The World Now

My story is been married 13yrs this Feb to a military man and have 2 girls. 2 yrs ago he came home from a deployment and confessed many things to me very out of the blue about him cheating on me. I was devestated to say the least but wasnt ready to throw it all away and he said he wanted to make it work. So I forgave him and we went to therapy and read so many books and everything and I thought we were doing pretty well considering. Then he got deployed for 2 yrs in a row with a 2 month time period in between..everything was fine till that last yr deployment. He calls me on my bday in June while he is deployed to let me know he hasnt loved me in years and is leaving me. Only to come find out he has 3 other women there and one he wants to marrry already. To say the least my heart is shattered. I loved and love my husband and my family like nothing else and would have done anything for it to work..and still would I know pathetic I guess..But he is totally over me and replaced me. I really dont know what I am doing I havent been single since 16 when I met him and married at 18. And the hurt, betrayal and worthless I feel is sometimes unbearable. He took every fear I had and insecurity and made it all 100 real and true..most days I can say the right things and smile and give the Sunday school answer that I am ok..but im not ..not at all..I long for my life back or what I thought it was..I miss hearing I love you when I do have to talk to him. I miss feeling like a wife and being married..I am use to living alone cause of the military he has done 6 deployments and other rotations..but the lonilness of knowing he is out there and should be home and doesnt miss or love me anymore i just dont know how to deal with that.
cbland3 cbland3
31-35, F
Jan 11, 2013