My Life Was Shattered

My husband has worked overseas as a contractor for 6 years. He was out of work before he took it and the bills were coming in and we couldn't pay them, so that is why he took this job. He told me he wanted to give me and my children a better life. On September 26, 2012 he sent me an email and told me there was someone else, He is 57 and meant this 37 year old Phillipino girl in Afghanistan. To make a long story short he got her out of there and started living with her in Dubia. My young adult children and me was devasted. Couple of months later he is supporting her family and talk to me more now than ever. We were in the process of buying an house and went through with it. He wanted me to file for a divorce right away, but I didn't. Now I have to and it is going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do. Hes being really nice to me by telling me we always will be a family and he will always take care of me. Mind ya, we have been married for 30 years and he hasn't face me yet. Then he sends me mix signals like there is hope for us. I don't know if he is just being nice to me so I won't screw him in the divorce or what. At first he was really mean and now he has calm down and we talk everyday. He is full of so much guilt and in over his head that I feel sorry for him. He wants to talk to me about her and her family and I don't understand why. I think it is just the sex thing, He was lonely and missing his family and she came along and one thing lead to another. Why do I want to still help him? Part of me hate him and part of me feels sorry for him. Is this normal? We were best friends so I not only loss a husband but also my best friend. He saids he misses me and can't wait to see me. I am filing for a divorce but I don't want one. I need him to come home and face us. We both cry everyday. I am hoping when he comes home and see us it will all change. When I talk to him he sounds very sorry and depress at times, but still wants to be with that girl. They posted pictures on the internet and everything at first. That really hurt. She told him she was pregnant and conveinently had a miscarriage. My point is why do I still want to help him and need him in my life. I can't do anything but think about him and keeping asking why.
An Ep User An EP User
4 Responses Jan 20, 2013

A couple tried this before divorce and said it worked. Both took a printout and stuck on their office desk and Refrigerator as a reminder. At times it brought tears in their eyes.

Promise # 1:
Blessing for nourishing food and noble and respectful life.
I will love, cherish and provide for you and our children. You will support me and offer me food.
I will honor you. I take upon myself the responsibilities of the house and children.
Promise # 2:
Pray for strength (physical and mental). Also pray for a peaceful and healthy life
The groom promises to support his wife forever. Together we will defend our family and home.
Bride vows to stand side by side with her husband in protecting their family and home.
Promise # 3:
Pray for prosperity and wisdom. Also pray for religious and spiritual strength and reaffirm their commitment to each other.
The groom promises to work for the prosperity of his family. The groom also promises to be faithful to his wife and lead a spiritual life.
The bride promises to be faithful to her husband and to support him.

Promise # 4:
Pray for the happiness of the couple
The groom declares his good fortune at marrying his wife. The groom prays for a happy life and good children
The bride affirms that she will do her best to please her husband.
Promise # 5:
Pray for happy children and happiness for all beings
Pray for the happiness and well being of our family. May we have righteous and obedient children.
I will trust and honor you. I will be with you always.
Promise # 6:
Pray that we live in perfect harmony. May we have a long and happy life
May we be happy together forever.
I will always be by your side in your endeavors.
Promise # 7:
May we always be good friends
With this last promise we forever belong to each other.
I am delighted to be your wife. May we be together forever.

I am so sorry that you are in such emotional pain and your family is torn apart. None of us knows what the future holds but, even if you are hoping for a reconciliation, I would STRONGLY suggest you consult a family law attorney and protect your assets and yourself legally ~ just in case things don't work out.

WHile obviously, I don't know your husband, I would not blame his actions on the circumstances of being apart and alone

. A thought ~ there are many men and woman who travel and are deployed and stay faithful to their marriage and connected to their families. You were also separated from your husband due to his job ~ I don't see any mention that you broke your marriage vows or were looking for another *relationship*.

I am not trying to discourage or take away any hope for your marriage to survive this but for the sake of your emotional health & your children, just remember that even though your husband may have some wonderful qualities, right now, he is a known liar and cheater and has acted with total disrespect for your marriage and family. Good Luck!

Sounds like the love between is still there ... This is soo sad :( .. He has really mucked up, I believe what you are feeling is totally natural .. of course you are angry and you feel hatred toward him but you've been with him for 30 years you still care and love him as he does you I feel he is really regretting his actions. I really hope things work out, I wouldn't file for that divorce yet maybe she's pushing him into it .. Try really having a good honest talk to him ! You know him inside out

Sorry to hear ur going through this... I have had a very different scenario, am going through a divorce and it is awful...I had the same feelings for my ex as u describe but I have since realsed he was "keeping me warm" u til someone better came along and so I would be nice in the divorce....

I am not saying that ur husband is like that, all I want u to know is at by the sounds of it, ur husband was ruthless enough to cheat on u with someone else and then too cowardly to come and face u and his children....what does that say about his character, how do u know he won't do that again, if he missed his family why did he not take a flight to see u instead and also Most importantly : is he good enough for u ( I know difficult question, after 10 years with my soon to be ex husband part of me still feels like yes he was good enough- but it's my heart not my mind saying that....)

I wish u all the best moving forward, please apply logic as well as emotion to ur next actions...