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I Am Going Through a Divorce Right Now

Glad To Be Done With Crazy!!

By: annoyed1986
Written on February 18th, 2013
My husband and I split up about 6 months ago. He has a very volatile and irrational personality with weird mood swings that have always had me walking on egg shells. In those months, he would hate me one day and call me every filthy name he could think of...and the next day I would get 8 texts from him, professing his love for me and promising to do everything he could to make me happy. He is very emotionally draining! The divorce has been final now for about 2 weeks. I contested nothing, so the whole thing went very fast

My latest dilemma is this: All in a matter of a week, this is what happened.
Friday: Found out the divorce was final (it takes me a while to get used to change) Grieving a little bit even though I know I don't want him back
Monday: Woke to a phone call from my ex telling me that he had a new girlfriend, and he was going to introduce her to our kids (2 of our kids are adults, but one is 10years old and lives one week with him, one week with me)
Monday noonish, while I'm at work: Get a text saying that my son and I might want to avoid an awkward situation by staying away from his house because new girlfriend will be staying with him a couple days
Sunday: delivered my son back to my ex , got a call later that evening from a friend saying that his new girlfriend has moved in to the house.

I was so mad!! I have never hated anyone as much as I hated him at that moment! He is an immature, ridiculous, irrational idiot!! I can't beleive he would spring that on our son like that! I'm not really sure if I am more mad at my ex for boing an idiot, or at myself, for being stupid enough to put up with his stupidity and craziness for 22 years!
By: annoyed1986
Age: 41-45
122 people have read this story

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3 responses
  • annoyed1986
    annoyed1986

    Thanks for the responses. It's very helpful. I'm having a lot of trouble sorting through all this crap because I am not a very social person. I have never had many friends. I have one friend that has been there for me for 27 years. I have told her EVERYTHING! She is the one person I have needed during this divorce...but sadly, my ex somehow got her on his side. He is a master manipulator, and extremely good at getting people to feel sorry for him. So, now I don't have any friends to talk to. I am trying my hardest not to vent to my adult children (after all, it is their father). And my ex's mother has always commiserated with me because she thinks he's crazy too! One day I resorted to venting to her ( I knew better, I was just desperate for someone to talk to) and everything I said immediately got back to my husband. So, thanks for the supportive comments...I needed them!

    Feb 19
    1 like
  • figgy312
    figgy312

    I can relate to what you are feeling with your ex, this is a very emotional time for you. There are a range of emotions that we can go through when we divorce, and some of them are similar to grieving. (anger, regret, frustration, fear, sorrow, anguish, bitterness, hatred, depression). It is often the case that we go through the 5 stages of bereavement either during or after a divorce; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

    This turmoil of emotions and feelings can make you question your value as a person. Often you are nagged by your inner voice saying things like "If only I had done this..." or "I should have done this ..." or "I am not lovable" or "I'll never be happy" or "I'll always be alone". That kind of self talk is very destructive and can lead to depression, guilt and a sense of having nowhere to turn.

    Start looking at what you are doing, and begin to take care of you rather than worrying about what he is doing.

    Your son loves you, and you know that. Your son also loves his father. Nothing you say or do will change those things.

    Look after you first, stop worrying about what your ex is doing, because whatever it is will annoy you, just don't let it. That is what he wants. So don't give him that satisfaction. Love your son as you do now, don't quiz him or allow your ex to drive a wedge between you and your son.

    There is life after divorce and it will be as happy and satisfying as you choose to make it. Yes it is a choice, how you live your life is a choice. Make the right one.

    Feb 19
    1 like
  • ish360
    ish360

    dont be mad at yourself you did nothing but put up with the guy, him getting a girlfriend could just be a defence measure for him to have someone to love i mean the guy doesnt sound very emotionally stable. but well done for having the patience thats a virtue that is well sought after. :)

    Feb 18
    1 like