I received a letter last week that we have a final court date for the divorce. It's really on my birthday. I don't celebrate my birthday much so that part doesn't bother me. I did find it coincidence.

I'm hurting much less as time moves on. I'm excited to start my life without him. Almost as excited as I was to stay one with him. I'm not going to totally heal all at once. It will take more time and he's still going to try to come at me with his bull ****. I can't stop or control what he does. I do have control over what I do. This is something I haven't had yet. He feels the loss of control over me and he's as nasty as he can be.

Sometimes I wonder what I was doing with him? Why did I put up with all the abuse for so many years? These questions bother me. When a man treats a woman the way he treated me, one would think a strong woman would leave right away. I wonder what took me so long?
Jennerrous Jennerrous
41-45, F
2 Responses Aug 17, 2014

That happened to me except it was Valentine's Day lol. Ironic but befitting for such a crappy day. That was five years ago, and life is good. It does take time to heal though. As to your question why - it's because the isolation and control gradually get worse over time and we get conditioned into thinking that it's just part of working on a marriage. But you should never have to make such sacrifices to make someone happy - it doesn't work, and the more you give, the demands only get greater....until you wake up. You didn't stay because you weren't strong, in fact it's the opposite, you must have had a lot of inner strength to endure what you did. I guess what you and I lacked was knowledge - in knowing how to recognise manipulation for what it is and stand up to it. All the best for your life - if you're enjoying it now, it's only going to get better :)

I agree there is a lot of heavy fog in my way due to the years I stayed. However, it gets better everyday. I will for sure heal completely. I just know myself. Thanks for your message. I understood all of what you say. Good for you for getting away.

I'm sorry. Seeing stories like this makes me scared to ever get married.

Nah. I was with a man that pretended to be something he wasn't. Just make sure you know them really well. Give it thought. My father told me once (he's not the best example) that if you have any small percentage of doubt do not do it. That pertains to everything. If there's a sliver if doubt stop and think. But don't do. I guess that's what I learned.