For Far Too Long

I am faced with so many issues.  So many choices.  So much change that has to happen to move on.  I have moved on from him in the way that I have no contact with him so I am not faced with his emotional abuse.  He does that through the children.  His broken promises and financial abuse has bronken me to the point of my water being shut off tomorrow.  I have not been able to take control of my life and deal with my ex.  I see now it's his way of still controling me even after I am gone. 

Why did it take so long! 

Still......finding the energy to deal with the past pain.  Not easy.  I have to tell and re tell my story.  I have to drain my soul with each intake.  I am tired of hearing you need to ask the crisis support worker for this.  I now know that I have to make him answer for his behaviour.  I can't just let this continue.  Not just for my children but for me.   I need to take that control back.  I need to fight. 

Remembering the list of things I am supposed to find that energy for is exhausting enough.  I want him to do the right thing and just live up to his responisiblities.  I now get that he won't unless forced.  He will continue to just live for himself.  He wins when I wait. 

So my fight is with so many area's.  With the goverment to fight his bad debts.  With the courts to fight his bad debts with me and lack of childsupport for several years now.  Most importantly the fight is with myself.  To remind myself to fight.  That takes alot of energy in itself. 

So I am trying to move on .........trying. 
So much to deal........so much to fight.
flodials flodials
41-45, F
1 Response May 16, 2012

The laws of inertia tell us that to get moving is far harder than to keep moving! Let that help you over the hump, according to physics it must get easier. just get it moving. You are going right! Your head is in the right place. Keep on my friend keep on.