I Am Going Through A Hard Time
My marriage of 14 years is coming to an end. The reasons for the dissolution have been explained in other stories (think I Live in a Sexless Marriage group). But here is an example of why we got to this point. The backdrop is that we are selling our house to move into separate residences. We had not made each other a priority in a very long time and had forgot how to communicate...
Thursday was a prime example of how I have completely forgot to communicate with my wife. I misread her completely about something that was bothering her. I had taken the day off to do some fix-it things around the house. We are selling the house so that we can move on to separate residences. I had a really long day and was looking forward to unwinding with a friend over wine and appetizers at a local restaurant. It was my night with our daughters and I had asked my mother-in-law, who has been staying with us, if she could stay with them after I fed, bathed, read and put them to bed.
My wife was coming back from her work-day after she stayed a little later with her colleagues. She had tried to reach out to me earlier regarding a concerning message from the mother of one our eldest daughter's friends. Apparently, our daughter had mentioned her wanting to run away because of all the bad news surrounding our parting ways. Selling the house has been very tough on her. My wife was upset at the news that the mother of her friend was concerned about her daughter spending time with ours.
Well, that just sent shock waves down my wife's spine. She didn't want to ruin my day and was waiting to tell me when she got home. As she saw me dressed to go out, she became upset that I would do such a thing on my night with the girls. I had explained the plans that I had made but that was not enough. She had then given me a hint of the story of our daughter that I just mentioned. I asked her to elaborate but she didn't. For three times I had tried to no avail. She said she was going to her room, that she didn't want to talk about it now.
Instead of following her to her room, which I usually do when she is reacting this way, I left. As I was with my friend, she sent me an email, a very scathing email, that threatened our plans to have joint custody with our daughters, saying I didn't have enough concern to even stay with the girls on my night. I was merely taking advantage of the opportunity to have my mother-in-law watch the girls while I blow off some steam from a very long and painful day. I was basically repairing my house for somebody else to enjoy (and I had to take a day off from work to do it).
I should have communicated better my desire to just blow off some steam. I should have also followed my prior instincts and just went in her room. Instead, I based my decision to go off the body language she was giving me. It is the body language one transmits when they have judged you for making a decision that goes against what they would do. This was wrong of me because I do pride myself on being a good listener, a good communicator. I just can't seem to get it right with her anymore.
That is my remorse. I feel we are descending to a point where we almost can't be friends. I want to always be her friend, but I (and sometimes she) keep making these mistakes. It is ordained I believe that we must be through. I knew we had to do this but it was always with the intentions of being friends. Now I am barely hanging on to that. That would be too much to bear if I lost that.
To say this is a Hard Time is to put it mildly. Some days, I feel very "****** up" by the whole ordeal (not just this incident), sorry for the language. Anyway, just wanted to share this. Its been something that has been weighing on my conscience. It just feels good to get it off my chest.
Cheers.
Thursday was a prime example of how I have completely forgot to communicate with my wife. I misread her completely about something that was bothering her. I had taken the day off to do some fix-it things around the house. We are selling the house so that we can move on to separate residences. I had a really long day and was looking forward to unwinding with a friend over wine and appetizers at a local restaurant. It was my night with our daughters and I had asked my mother-in-law, who has been staying with us, if she could stay with them after I fed, bathed, read and put them to bed.
My wife was coming back from her work-day after she stayed a little later with her colleagues. She had tried to reach out to me earlier regarding a concerning message from the mother of one our eldest daughter's friends. Apparently, our daughter had mentioned her wanting to run away because of all the bad news surrounding our parting ways. Selling the house has been very tough on her. My wife was upset at the news that the mother of her friend was concerned about her daughter spending time with ours.
Well, that just sent shock waves down my wife's spine. She didn't want to ruin my day and was waiting to tell me when she got home. As she saw me dressed to go out, she became upset that I would do such a thing on my night with the girls. I had explained the plans that I had made but that was not enough. She had then given me a hint of the story of our daughter that I just mentioned. I asked her to elaborate but she didn't. For three times I had tried to no avail. She said she was going to her room, that she didn't want to talk about it now.
Instead of following her to her room, which I usually do when she is reacting this way, I left. As I was with my friend, she sent me an email, a very scathing email, that threatened our plans to have joint custody with our daughters, saying I didn't have enough concern to even stay with the girls on my night. I was merely taking advantage of the opportunity to have my mother-in-law watch the girls while I blow off some steam from a very long and painful day. I was basically repairing my house for somebody else to enjoy (and I had to take a day off from work to do it).
I should have communicated better my desire to just blow off some steam. I should have also followed my prior instincts and just went in her room. Instead, I ba
That is my remorse. I feel we are descending to a point where we almost can't be friends. I want to always be her friend, but I (and sometimes she) keep making these mistakes. It is ordained I believe that we must be through. I knew we had to do this but it was always with the intentions of being friends. Now I am barely hanging on to that. That would be too much to bear if I lost that.
To say this is a Hard Time is to put it mildly. Some days, I feel very "****** up" by the whole ordeal (not just this incident), sorry for the language. Anyway, just wanted to share this. Its been something that has been weighing on my conscience. It just feels good to get it off my chest.
Cheers.
By:
enigmatic1
Age:
36-40
,
Male
