I Am Going Through A Hard Time
It began in 2005 when my fiance at the time and I both got heavily involved in drugs. It was a volatile relationship anyways and we threw gas on the fire and took a blowtorch to it. The relationship was on the brinks and the drugs pushed it over the edge.
In 2007 I began my journey of trying to get sober, alone, while still living with this man who most of the time I was scared to leave. I failed time and time again, but was so sick of looking at a stranger in the mirror and coming down got harder and more depressing.
November 2009 was my last attempt. I did it one more time, just to escape from the world and the problems in my relationship that soon after I gained the courage to finally end it.
So the story really begins here, in January 2010 I happened to meet a man online playing a stupid game, which we very quickly lost interest in playing the game and started spending hours on end talking, we would literally be up well into sunrise just talking/chatting. We could turn anything into a 2 hour long conversation. First just chatting then it just became easier to talk on Skype. We got close very quick and I found it easy to reveal my secret to him about my drug use. This stranger who did not know me more then 1 month and had never met me became a rock for me. He understood being one himself. He became my best friend and at the same time there was something that just developed between us.
Unfortunately, as most relationships that start online, there was a problem with distance...We talked multiple times of what would happen if we lived in the same state because we just understood each other but we could only explain it as being drawn to each other. We had to know more. After knowing each other and spending 4 months talking everyday, he flew to Tennessee for a few days so we could meet and spend time together to see what would happen if per say we were in the same state.
I never was one to believe in love in first sight until April 10, 2010. From the moment we first met in the airport it was not as if we were first meeting, it was as if we were reunited. We were not strangers. During the course of those few days we developing feelings for each other very quick and still decided to see what happened.
We spent the next 2 months doing the same thing. This man was a blessing for me, I never even remotely thought of going back to drugs because he took me just as I was. Not to say that I didn't have urges like any other addict, that comes with the territory, but they were much easier to fight off.
In June he decided to fly back so we could spend more time together as there had been a big change for us. What started out as a meeting a stranger and making a friend turned into love for us. When he came back it became very clear that we wanted to be together on a more permanent level and not only see each other every 2 months for a few days.
After he returned home it became so much more complicated because we wanted to be together so badly and just could not figure out a way to make it happen. In August he gave me the surprise of my life and had come into enough money to be able to move to Tennessee so we could be together and so November of 2010 we moved in together. While some might think we were crazy, our relationship has always been unorthodox and unusual, but it works and for us it worked perfect.
Because he has a son in Kansas we knew it could not stay that way forever and we would have to figure something out. He came into some money that would be enough to buy a house just this past Christmas and that was the plan. It took a while to figure it out, but we had a plan to spend the summer in Kansas looking for a house and I would return to Tennessee for my daughter's sr yr of High School being I did not want to uproot her from everything she has known her whole life so I could be with him and after she graduated I would move there permanently since the topic of marriage had arisen quite a few times and there was enough money for us to fly back and forth and spend time together without so much time apart.
April 1st, 2012-I never knew it would be so hard to let go again and watch him leave. It took days to pack up a small 2 bedroom apartment that should have been so easy, but was so painful to destroy what had become a home filled with laughter and happiness. We were determined we had a plan and we had done this before and we could manage. This man my Prince has treated me like a Princess "His Princess" as he has always called me for the last 2 and a half years. There is no doubt that he adores me, I couldn't have designed a better man for myself then what he is. We truly have had a fairy tale romance better then one ever written in my opinion.
Once he got back home, he immediately became distant, not so much to where we didn't talk but there would be 2 or 3 days where we did not talk at all, not like us, but understanding the fact that he was just going home after being gone a year and a half. Trusting him the way I do, there is never a thought of another woman in my mind, but this distance seemed to be continuing more then it had in the past.
However, during the course of him being gone, his best friend developed the same addiction he had, after a week of being home he did confess that he had done coke with his friend. Being an addict myself I understand that happens, but you have to get back up and dust yourself off and start over again and I told him Be Careful, you don't want that to happen again, but addiction is a solo battle, one cannot fight those battles for you. Only you can do it or don't do it.
In May, he flew me out to Kansas and I spent the month of May with him. I watched him do it 4 more times and even did it with him 3 more times, was not my drug of choice to begin with and did not like it and have no idea why I did it and I told him that I didn't like it and definitely would not be doing it again.
This brings me to current speed in the month of June. I have been wondering why he has had no initiative, no drive, no focus, no determination like the man I have known for so long. And he keeps disappearing for days on end, always turning up having been with his friend who I know he has done coke with at least 6 times and is paying for it all. Over the last 2 weeks, my worst nightmare has come true. I have been trying to speak with him and let him confront him on how much he has been doing it because I am sure it is more then what i know. His behavior has changed. The distance is more then the miles now and I am sure I know why due to what I have witnessed with my own 2 eyes. The friend that he had that was so unreliable before is with him every day now and I am not. As of last Saturday he called me and we spoke for a while, the same way we always do, feelings not changed. The typical I miss you, wish you were here and before going to bed blow each other a kiss and he says, "I Love You Princess"...Now I have not spoke to him in a week and all calls have been avoided, he just completely cut me out, never has he not called me for a week. His phone has stayed turned off so I could not call him. It is abundantly clear he has relapsed and there is no way I can get to him and at 9:00am this morning I am still pondering on the reason why. The man that is so brutally honest that he would tell me in a heartbeat if he didn't want me said he loved me and vanished and cut all communication with me and I see what is going on having been through it myself. I blame myself for not talking to him when I had the chance while I was there, instead I was a fool and did it with him except the last time where I told him I did not want to. I am horrified at the thought of what could happen to him and filled with questions with no answers. There is nobody I can turn to for help, I can't get to him where he's at because I don't have the money and how can I turn my back on him and leave when I promised not to and up until he relapsed, he never let me down.
In 2007 I began my journey of trying to get sober, alone, while still living with this man who most of the time I was scared to leave. I failed time and time again, but was so sick of looking at a stranger in the mirror and coming down got harder and more depressing.
November 2009 was my last attempt. I did it one more time, just to escape from the world and the problems in my relationship that soon after I gained the courage to finally end it.
So the story really begins here, in January 2010 I happened to meet a man online playing a stupid game, which we very quickly lost interest in playing the game and started spending hours on end talking, we would literally be up well into sunrise just talking/chatting. We could turn anything into a 2 hour long conversation. First just chatting then it just became easier to talk on Skype. We got close very quick and I found it easy to reveal my secret to him about my drug use. This stranger who did not know me more then 1 month and had never met me became a rock for me. He understood being one himself. He became my best friend and at the same time there was something that just developed between us.
Unfortunately, as most relationships that start online, there was a problem with distance...We talked multiple times of what would happen if we lived in the same state because we just understood each other but we could only explain it as being drawn to each other. We had to know more. After knowing each other and spending 4 months talking everyday, he flew to Tennessee for a few days so we could meet and spend time together to see what would happen if per say we were in the same state.
I never was one to believe in love in first sight until April 10, 2010. From the moment we first met in the airport it was not as if we were first meeting, it was as if we were reunited. We were not strangers. During the course of those few days we developing feelings for each other very quick and still decided to see what happened.
We spent the next 2 months doing the same thing. This man was a blessing for me, I never even remotely thought of going back to drugs because he took me just as I was. Not to say that I didn't have urges like any other addict, that comes with the territory, but they were much easier to fight off.
In June he decided to fly back so we could spend more time together as there had been a big change for us. What started out as a meeting a stranger and making a friend turned into love for us. When he came back it became very clear that we wanted to be together on a more permanent level and not only see each other every 2 months for a few days.
After he returned home it became so much more complicated because we wanted to be together so badly and just could not figure out a way to make it happen. In August he gave me the surprise of my life and had come into enough money to be able to move to Tennessee so we could be together and so November of 2010 we moved in together. While some might think we were crazy, our relationship has always been unorthodox and unusual, but it works and for us it worked perfect.
Because he has a son in Kansas we knew it could not stay that way forever and we would have to figure something out. He came into some money that would be enough to buy a house just this past Christmas and that was the plan. It took a while to figure it out, but we had a plan to spend the summer in Kansas looking for a house and I would return to Tennessee for my daughter's sr yr of High School being I did not want to uproot her from everything she has known her whole life so I could be with him and after she graduated I would move there permanently since the topic of marriage had arisen quite a few times and there was enough money for us to fly back and forth and spend time together without so much time apart.
April 1st, 2012-I never knew it would be so hard to let go again and watch him leave. It took days to pack up a small 2 bedroom apartment that should have been so easy, but was so painful to destroy what had become a home filled with laughter and happiness. We were determined we had a plan and we had done this before and we could manage. This man my Prince has treated me like a Princess "His Princess" as he has always called me for the last 2 and a half years. There is no doubt that he adores me, I couldn't have designed a better man for myself then what he is. We truly have had a fairy tale romance better then one ever written in my opinion.
Once he got back home, he immediately became distant, not so much to where we didn't talk but there would be 2 or 3 days where we did not talk at all, not like us, but understanding the fact that he was just going home after being gone a year and a half. Trusting him the way I do, there is never a thought of another woman in my mind, but this distance seemed to be continuing more then it had in the past.
However, during the course of him being gone, his best friend developed the same addiction he had, after a week of being home he did confess that he had done coke with his friend. Being an addict myself I understand that happens, but you have to get back up and dust yourself off and start over again and I told him Be Careful, you don't want that to happen again, but addiction is a solo battle, one cannot fight those battles for you. Only you can do it or don't do it.
In May, he flew me out to Kansas and I spent the month of May with him. I watched him do it 4 more times and even did it with him 3 more times, was not my drug of choice to begin with and did not like it and have no idea why I did it and I told him that I didn't like it and definitely would not be doing it again.
This brings me to current speed in the month of June. I have been wondering why he has had no initiative, no drive, no focus, no determination like the man I have known for so long. And he keeps disappearing for days on end, always turning up having been with his friend who I know he has done coke with at least 6 times and is paying for it all. Over the last 2 weeks, my worst nightmare has come true. I have been trying to speak with him and let him confront him on how much he has been doing it because I am sure it is more then what i know. His behavior has changed. The distance is more then the miles now and I am sure I know why due to what I have witnessed with my own 2 eyes. The friend that he had that was so unreliable before is with him every day now and I am not. As of last Saturday he called me and we spoke for a while, the same way we always do, feelings not changed. The typical I miss you, wish you were here and before going to bed blow each other a kiss and he says, "I Love You Princess"...Now I have not spoke to him in a week and all calls have been avoided, he just completely cut me out, never has he not called me for a week. His phone has stayed turned off so I could not call him. It is abundantly clear he has relapsed and there is no way I can get to him and at 9:00am this morning I am still pondering on the reason why. The man that is so brutally honest that he would tell me in a heartbeat if he didn't want me said he loved me and vanished and cut all communication with me and I see what is going on having been through it myself. I blame myself for not talking to him when I had the chance while I was there, instead I was a fool and did it with him except the last time where I told him I did not want to. I am horrified at the thought of what could happen to him and filled with questions with no answers. There is nobody I can turn to for help, I can't get to him where he's at because I don't have the money and how can I turn my back on him and leave when I promised not to and up until he relapsed, he never let me down.
By:
MajnTru
Age:
31-35
,
Female
