Faith Will Guide Us All

Our story started in an unconventional way - it was not love at first sight, or second, or even third. We started out as good friends, at a time when I was already involved with someone else. I was completely taken by surprise when he confessed that he had feelings for me, and as flattered as I was by his attention, I was also turned off by his insensitivity. After all, what kind of guy would try to take someone else's girlfriend? However, as I tried to understand his feelings, I began to realize that he said what he did not to take me away from my then boyfriend, but simply to let me know he cared because he could not help feeling the way he did. I learned to appreciate his honesty and courage for doing something so difficult and not expecting anything in return.

Soon enough, the relationship I had been in ended. It was difficult, but I got through it with the help of all my friends, and of course the guy who liked me. He was always there to listen, always there to provide unconditional support, even though I never reciprocated his feelings. He did not make any moves on me, but instead was simply the best friend I could have. The more I realized how good and selfless a person he was, the more intrigued I was that he was interested in me. I started to talk to him more, spend more time with him, and slowly got to know him as a deep and interesting person.

One day, almost half a year after he had first confessed his feelings to me, I asked him if he was still interested in beginning a relationship with me. To my surprise, he said yes. He said that he knew I had doubts, but that if I would only give him a chance, I would see that we could have something wonderful together. So throwing my fear and hesitation aside, I made the leap of faith that led us down our path to today.

Our relationship was by no means perfect - he had great difficulty expressing himself with words, sometimes leading me to feel ignored, and I had a tendency to pressure him over little things, often making him feel uncomfortable. Also, our relationship was a long distance one - we would have to drive 3.5 hrs to see each other because our schools are so far apart. But through it all, we found time for each other. We found ways to connect and spent our free time building our relationship. We met each other's families and share happy vacations and much laughter. This summer, we took the time to talk more openly about what we could improve in our relationship.

When school resumed I thought we were making progress - I was giving him more space and less pressure, and he was trying harder to communicate with me on a daily basis even though we were so far apart. But suddenly, he started pulling away again. I didn't know how to react, so I began pressuring him again to tell me what was wrong, to bring me back into his life. When we next saw each other, he finally told me what had been bothering him - he had just found out his father had cancer. He said that he felt that now that something so horrible has happened, he did not think he would have enough time and energy to give to me. He would have to spend his spare time with his father and his family instead of with me, and he felt that it would not be fair for me to stay in a relationship where only one person is contributing.

I am devastated. I feel so helpless because he is cutting me out when he needs someone the most. I understand his good intentions and how confused and scared he must feel, but I cannot bear thinking that he is forcing himself to go through all this alone. Even in front of his friends, he is putting up a front, pretending as though nothing is wrong. His friends are shocked that our seemingly wonderful relationship has ended so suddenly, but he is not giving anyone an explanation. I am trying so desperately to let him go, because I know that in the end it is his choice and he will learn from it, good or bad. But how can I just stand by and watch him suffer in silence?

I pray every day that he will get through this. I pray that his family will come out of this experience stronger and more unified. And I pray that no matter what, I will be strong enough to offer him the support that he needs through these most difficult times, as a friend if nothing more.
BlessedHealing BlessedHealing
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 26, 2010

Stick by him through good and bad and all will hopefully work out for you.Best of luck.