Feel Like I'm Dying.

Dated mine for two years. Loved him. Wanted nothing but the best for him. We were both recovering meth addicts. I had left to another state to get clean and I did. He did too and after 6 months he wanted me to come and live with him. I was quick to come but had known that he had cheated on me before, with a friend of mine. The girl was really jealous of me and had physically attacked me twice. Nontheless, I came. His mother was getting a place there. I helped her pick out the house. I helped decorate the house. I took care of her when she was sick. I supported him with everything I had, loving him and wanting nothing but the best for him. He decided to go live at his moms house. I couldn't come. I went to live with my parents.His mom was going back to California for the summer. He cried before I left, because he was afraid of getting high again. He didn't want to slip up again. I held him, loved him. supported him. Two days after I left he emailed the girl. I called him on it and he said that she had dope and he didn't do anything, just emailed her. He quit returning my calls. Shutting his phone off. I loved him. Sent him a sweet package for his birthday. He didn't call me on my birthday, not even that whole week. Only texted me after I sent a text asking if he at least got it. I couldn't take it anymore. I'm in school, going after my second degree as a nurse. I didn't have time to worry about it anymore. I built up the strength to call him and break it off. he didn't pay attention. Didn't care. Had nothing to say. I talked to him two days later and asked him about the girl. He said it didn't matter anyway since I broke up with him and yeah, he had seen her. I looked her up on fb and she had a picture posted of her and another party kid at my ex's moms house. Keep in mind I broke it off 2 days ago. She was kicked back on our old couch, drinks piled up on our coffee table. The antique table that took me 3 months to refinish was in the background stacked with drinks. This was his birthday. Dope induced I'm sure. I feel sick. The past few months the girl would be sending me friend requests on fb. I told her off a month ago or so. She wrote me a message saying she was just trying to be my friend and she wishes I could see that. She brought drugs around my boyfriend and stole him from me. Yah right, really trying to be my friend. I just wanted the best for him, for him to have the good job, the house, car, live by his family on the beach, get the sailboat he always wanted. I know it's not my fault. But sometimes I wonder what in the hell did I ever do to deserve this. The girls boyfriend, now ex, wrote me, said she was injecting, faking ua's , and that this has been going on since may- since I left. Just trying to remind myself that I deserve better. But you know, when someone you love treats you like such ****, such ****, it hurts. It really, really hurts. Thx for listening. I'm off to study.
Chainlink Chainlink
26-30, F
3 Responses Jul 29, 2010

Hey yall, and wow, it's been a while! For SimoneZ, I feel your pain girl, and keep your head up. My breakup is over, finally... He actually emailed the other day, apologizing for everything he had put me through. He said I was the best girl he'd ever had, and he wished he could take it all back. But he and I both know that it's over. I can't, out of simple respect for myself, go through that again. I told him a long time ago that I would love him forever, and I meant it. I do still love him, and it's too bad things turned out the way they did, but I'm not in a relationship with him anymore and it's okay. I'm dating a new guy now. He's completely different from any other guy I've ever dated, and he treats me really well. I've been accepted into a prestigious nursing school, and in a year and a half I'll be a nurse! My life is great, and had I stayed in that relationship, I probably wouldn't be where I am today. I love, love, love my ex, and my current guy, while I'm not all gooey over him, (okay, sometimes I am), I love and respect him. And when I compare the two, I think of the first guy and the first emotion that comes to mind is hurt, heartache, and anger. My current guy, I just think of happiness. It's a night and day difference. But it takes time to heal... Stupid, I know, I wish there were just a quick fix... But hang in there, and do what's best for you. Happiness is out there. At least it is for me.

Hi,<br />
I realize it's been awhile since this whole tornado took place, but just curious how are doing now? I'm going thru a terrible breakup with a recovered alcoholic. TERRIBLE. I feel like I'm dying a slow, painful death. I can't breath or think straight. Sometimes I wonder if I'm losing my mind. Please tell me how on earth you made it thru. BTW: you DO deserve better. We both do. I, too, gave all my love away and out of the blue the bastard left. No signs at all that there was any problem In fact, I'm the dummie who thought he was in love. I keep wondering like you what in the hell I did to deserver this torture. It's not so easy to tell yourself "oh, well, I'm better off now. He's not worth it" when you love the person so damn much. I still can't believe this is happening. It's my worst nightmare. I pray to God for relief, clarity, and strength. I wish you the same. From one sister to another with all my love. Xo

I know this is years later now, but I wanted to respond in case this might help anyone else too. I was also involved with a recovering alcoholic. I thought I loved him so much, he moved in with me & then suddenly one day he left to "visit" his mom (3 hours away), got drunk & did drugs, crashed his car & went into rehab. I didn't know what to do, but I didn't want to let him down so I kept supporting him. Then after he got out he stayed with his mom. All the while he kept telling me that he loved me. It was so horrible, the highs & the lows, him telling me one thing but then doing another. We fought, I hardly saw him except for when I drove down to see him. Then 5 months later he finally told me that he met someone else. I had to leave work, I ran out to my car & just screamed & cried. It was the worst feeling in the world, like you said, a death. I'm tearing up even now just remembering this, & this was over 3 years ago now. I felt so bad, so horrible, so helpless. I mean, who can lose an alcoholic? One who seemed to care & love & need u so much? He said I was his angel, the only one who ever cared about me...but I digress. What I want you (or anyone going through something like this) is that it is not your fault & you are loveable. People that treat you this way are sick, something is very wrong with them & they will never be truly happy when they keep living like that & you should count yourself lucky to be free from being dragged down further with them. I went on antidepressants, went to counseling & even Al-Anon meetings to deal with the pain. The best bit of healing for me, sadly, came when I took him to court & sued him for credit card bills. It was almost a full year since I had seen him & we were in a private room for mediation & when, sitting straight across from him, I watched & listened to him give excuse after excuse as to why he shouldn't have to pay this credit card bill (which we had agreed he could use as his own when he first moved to help him buy tools, work clothes, pay for gas, etc. when he 1st moved in with me for the transition)...I realized his mind was his own trap. He portrayed himself as the victim, everything was my fault or someone or something else's fault...I didn't even have to say a word, it was just so pathetic & it was almost like I was seeing him for the first time. I realized then that no matter how much I wanted to help him, he wasn't going to help himself & therefore, would continue to be miserable. I was further validated by winning the lawsuit. I never collected a dime of the money & it actually cost me more to file the suit, but it was worth every penny to feel like I had gained a little piece of my soul & dignity back.

You do deserve better, and you will find better. You're doing what you have to, moving on and away from the situation. Focus on you! I wish you the best......and I know that you'll achieve it cause you have the drive. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep moving away from that bad situation!....Hugs!