I Am Going Through a Horrible Breakup

Never Thought Id Be One To Say I Was Cheated On.

By: nowherewoman

Written on February 18th, 2011

I met him online. He was very persistant about being able to talk to me. So i finally responded to him. It turned out we had absolutely everything in common. When I finally met him in person, it was what i thought was love at first sight. Of course I didn't want to admit it to him, that we had just met and I knew I loved him. We dated a few months, on New Years he was told he had to move out of his sisters house. So being the very in love girlfriend i was, I let him move in with me. Things were absolutely perfect. I got to wake up every morning next to him and spend all the time in the world with him. As far as i was concerned he was absolutely in love with me and I had his whole heart. Made plans about buying a house and naming future kids and all.( I know being together just a few months, talking about all that is crazy talk, but i was in love). So one day he asked me if he could borrow my car so he could go to his moms house. Of course i said yes. A few hours later he tells me hes having dinner with her and is gonna spend some time with her, and he would be home later at night. 2 am came by and he wasnt home. He called me and said he fell asleep on her couch, and he would be home early in the morning. He didn't return until about midday the next day. I was of course upset but let it go. That same day he told me he was going to go stay at his sisters house. So I said fine and he went. A few hours later I get a call from his sister, who I became good friends with, saying she knew where he had spent the night. He had gone to stay the night at his ex's house, while using my car, and they were planning on getting back together. I called him right away and said it was over. His response was Im sorry things couldnt work out. He didn't even try to defend himself. Since then the only time I have talked to him is when he told me that he wanted to be my friend but didnt want to risk problems with his new/ ex girlfriend, who never knew about me. Its been almost 4 weeks since he left. I can't seem to get over it. I know he was a horrible person but i was so in love. I just want it to go back. To how perfect things were. Ive gotten rid of all his stuff. All of the pictures of us are gone. But it wont go away. Every song i hear, everywhere i look. When I go to bed is the hardest. Knowing hes never going to be back. I dont know what to do. I want to think someone else is out there that is perfect for me. But what if I had already found him? And now i cant have him...

By: nowherewoman

Age: 22-25 , Female

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4 responses

maxximiliann

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I myself was betrayed and abandoned by a wife I loved deeply for many, many years. I'm doing better now but only after I let the grieving process run it's course. You're going through the same thing right now.

Here's something I came across which has a lot of helpful suggestions:

"Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You" by Susan J. Elliott JD MEd - http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating/dp/0738213284/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335453657&sr=8-1

She also has a great blog on the subject - http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/2012/04/trust-the-process-2/

Hope this helps! All the best! :)

Apr 27, 2012
1 like
LoveHurtDude

I wanted to post, im a guy! I went through a similar situation. Although i wasn't necessarily cheated on. I made the mistake of getting involved with somone "Long Distance." which was still linked with a soon to be EX Husband. We met online through a video game with players all around the world. Small chit chat for like 6 months, then it escalated to lots of flirting exchanging phone #'s, plans, etc. for 3 months total. It went as far that i got a plane ticket to visit. I visited and was willing to put my all into the relationship. We kinda skipped the "lets really get to know each other" before getting involved and long story short. It all went south, We went back to the friends category on and off and ive been torn by it because i think i fell in love with this chick. Its been a few months but i still think about her every single day. I was willing to give my whole heart even with the short time we spent. We moved along Waaay to quickly that the fire sparked and then burnt out. We still talk a little bit "just barely" and its hard on me. So as a guy i still know the feeling of missing somone that much.

My advice I hate to admit it but you might want to play the "hard to get role" for a while and keep contact to a minimum IF you can (Its hard for me too atm, but im trying) . I know you can't help your feelings towards him. I'd say try to keep him wanting you or missing you if you want to have a chance. If you do get back together in the future, just know that we (as men) dont change our ways, so be weary of that in the back of your mind if your willing to go through a bumpy ride if it happens.

-Best of luck to ya

Feb 19, 2011
1 like
nowherewoman

Thank you Reedemed. I know what its like for guys to put you through hell and you still want to be with them. Funny story, yesterday he text me out of no where. Told me Im an amazing person and i didn't deserve what he did to me. I thought it was weird since i had not talked to him like at all, then I write this and he Messages me. My friends think he's being weird, considering he is not the type to just be nice and apologize unless he wants something. We have been talking since then, just small talk. He has not dared touch the subject about his lady though. Which kind of makes me think that he doesn't plan on leaving her. Which leads me to another question. Do I stay friends with a guy that cheated on me? I still love him and its going to be very difficult having him in my life without him being mine. But I would also rather not completely stop talking to him.

Feb 19, 2011
1 like
Reedemed

Dear StrawberryFielde,

So many times during my life I thought I was in love. The first time is the worst, it appears as if we'd never meet someone like that again. My first love raped me, yet I continued to see him. I was so confused, naive, and innocent. After him, each guy I met was nicer, more handsome and smarter.

I think if it's meant to be, he'll be back. However, if what he found with his ex, was a more fulfilling experience, he might not return. Only time will tell. I hate to give people advice like, "Get over it", "Move on", etc because I've been in that situation. Give it time. Sometimes, men don't seem to know what they want. Don't call! Just play the waiting game. It can go either way. Be prepared for that.

Hope this helps.

Feb 18, 2011
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