Facing Reality Or Illusion?It is already 31 days when she decided for me to disappear from her. It is still pretty hard to accept the truth everyday. I still think of her very often. I don’t know what I can do to forget her. I have seen her on the dating site and I think she is with someone already. She spends hours on the site chatting with someone. And it hurts.
It seems that I live in both side of the world. I am constantly moving between illusion world and reality world. When the illusion world kicks in, it is all about us. I am going to talk to her on the phone today. We are going to chat online. Soon we will meet up on a date. I am still the only one to hold her hand. It is the normal things that we do everyday. I would be planning for other things. We are going for a holiday. We are going to the beach. We are going to have a romantic date soon. There are so many things I have thought of.
But when it comes to facing the reality world, I feel lonely, sad, pain, empty and insecure. It is like my world is coming to an end. There is nothing more for me to move on further. I got no motivation anymore. I feel mentally and physically weak and tired all the time. I got no direction to move to. And most of the time I don’t know what I can do. It is a torment.
I still cannot accept the fact that she left me. I cannot accept the words she told me that are all now broken words. It always feels horrible by the hour. Pain is what I feel everyday. It is always lonely when surroundings are quiet.
Am I healing or am I tormenting myself? Is it normal to move between reality and illusion? I can’t tell much.