Angry And Confused

About two months back I met this girl, she approached me and was rather straight forward, I liked it and we even planned a date that same week.

Things were going perfect, the dates were fun and we had a lot of common group to talk about.

We started texting each other every day, from waking up to going to bed in the evening. I am usually pretty cautious with that much texting and I try to estimate what is an appropiate amount of texting.
With her I found she almost constantly wanted to talk to me, and being 'bothered' when I didn't respond or gave a late respond. We were flirting back and forth, talking about all kinds of stuff no matter how ridiculous, in person and text, I liked it.

At first I was cautious, as I am with girls and falling in love, but she was almost exactly the girl I want to have as a girlfriend! Everything went well, until a week or two back; she stopped texting as much, got really distant, it got to a point that I had to have a good reason to text her. In person she ignored me, she only smiled when we had eye contact and even that seemed awkward. I kept it cool, yet I didn't know what was up. To make matters worst, this is were the 'you don't know what you have until it's gone'; I fell in love with her.

Finally after thinking she needed distance, problems at home, or maybe even I had gotten boring, I decided to confront her in person after a party.

Before I get to that, there is a little backstory to that evening.
We had a party, a pubquiz in our study clubhouse. So there we were, I had decided not to let it bother me much and talk to her afterwards, when I would bring her home, like every other party.
- That was the plan -

Pubquiz over, party is starting. I see her sitting at the bar with a male classmate of ours.
This classmate was in her introduction group, so they along with a few others are a group.
They however, have kissed once before, yet she had a lot of regret about it. I believed her, I trusted her. She seemed to be talking the truth.
The guy also said he regretted it and he went on with other girls.

Back to the evening, they're sitting there and they are having fun, yet he gets a little too handsy with her for my taste so I keep an eye out (ofcourse not obviously, got to keep it Daddy Cool..).
Throughout the evening I am getting seriously pissed off, where I got no attention from her, he got all the attention. On top of that, he was taking her back to her house.

I was fed up, I asked her if I could talk to her outside.

Were standing outside and I said, whilst trying my best to keep calm and collected: 'What has changed between us?'
Long story short; she said she wasn't sure what my intensions were and that she wanted to be free in relationships. If we were to continue, we would have to develop into something more seriously. She did say she was sorry for her distant behaviour, she said she was prone to that but she was glad I had confronted her about it in person, she said she wanted to go back to before.

I didn't believe it, or rather found it hard to believe. I put her on the spot with a couple of bold question, to see what was true and was bs. Even on the spot she kept to the story^.
I was still pissed off, I didn't think it would be smart to go into it futher and I would put it on hold.
Next day I hear from one of my friends that when he walked home he saw them, hung around and caught them kissing in front of her house.

Now they are almost publicly, via Facebook flirting and I feel like a ******* idiot, I feel as though I'm being used.

I made an attempt to conversation the day after, first light conversation, no result. Okay, maybe it's a still a bit awkard after last night.
After a while I engaged again, more heavy, not too.
I said I was sorry if the conversation yesterday was a little awkard, I said I was nervous and things came out wrong.
A little response, I mean you can't really let such a comment slide, or if you really want to get the message across you would. After this is decided, **** it, she has to initiate contact now, I'm done.
Still no text, no nothing.

Now I'm just devestated, I don't know whats going on, I don't know if I need to be more agressive [in person] or move on. My friends ofcourse say I don't deserve this, but I just can't give up on her yet.

I did plan a date with another girl which I know she will hear about, but I don't know if I should make her jealous, or this will drive her more to the other guy.
I just can't get her out of my mind, but apperently I don't mean **** to her.

Worst of all is, things have changed, I don't know why because I can't think of something where it went wrong and I just can't wrap my head around the fact that with the flick of a switch she can go from feelings to no feelings for me at all.

This is a very long story, I'm a closed person when it comes to this but she has messed me up so bad I need to tell this story. For anybody who made it this far:
you're crazy, and I thank you for it.

- C
CrazyAboutHer CrazyAboutHer
18-21, M
1 Response Dec 1, 2012

Listen. Honestly. Sit back for a couple seconds. Chill out. Relax. And listen.

You are a solid guy. This girl is behaving in a way that is clearly hurting you.

You have two options.

1. Continue down the road of pain and confusion.
2. Look yourself in the eye and ask yourself this question, "Does this feel like love?"

Yes, love may have its ups and downs but you should feel a sense of devotion from this girl. You're not getting that. Your body and mind are warning you that something is wrong, but you're ignoring those signs. Why?

The feeling of rejection.

but...

Keep listening.

You want to be rejected by things that are hurting you. You deserve someone who does not put you through mental trauma and someone who does bring pain into your mind.

You deserve to be happy and to be with a person who consistently treats you with respect and shows that they care through their actions.

You my friend, are ******* worth it.

Still interested in her?

Ok.

Try this.

If this situation was happening with your future son and some girl was giving him the runaround and messing around with other people, would you honestly tell your son to continue to be involved with this person?

My guess:

No. You would tell your son not to waste his time on someone who doesn't treat him with respect and to find someone who appreciated him.

Thanks man, this helps a lot.

My friends have been saying a lot of the same stuff [ or at least: 'You deserve better' etc. ] but it didn't really get through to me. I'm just trying to distance myself from the problem right now, not being preoccupied with it as much, accept the situation and I'll go and see how the other date goes.

And hey, if that doesn't turn out we just move on and try again am I right?

Thanks for reading it, it's good to hear an outside voice on the matter.

- C