Feeling Like Rubbish Day In Day Out

I had a horrible break-up at the end of April this year. It's well over six months since then and I still feel like rubbish everyday. Just wondering when is this rotten feeling ever going away.
It's so hard to get over it. My ex's parents live next door. So I still see him drive by every week or so, and everytime I see him I feeling like crying.

I considered leaving town and working abroad. But my own parents are in their late sixties and both my brother and sister have left home. I feel a certain responsibility to stick around and take care of my folks in their old age.

How does one survive the overwhelming trauma of a breakup? Feeling like I can never be happy again though I try hard to keep a smile on my face.

elissamayy elissamayy
31-35, F
3 Responses Dec 16, 2012

You may feel responsible for your parents well being but come on this is your life to live if traveling will change the pace of your life then do it, that special someone is out there

It's been getting better over time. I have my good days and I have my bad days.

The break up came about when I mentioned to him that if he still wasn't sure about us after two years of dating, that maybe we should just be friends. He was silent for a long time. I didn't really want to break up then. What I wanted was a marriage proposal I suppose. OR some sort of admission/profession of love. It didn't happen. Long story short: of course I regretted my words and begged him to come back. He didn't.

It was so hard before because I kept fighting reality. I wanted my way. And believe me I did everything within my power to get him back initially. I called and texted him so often, which all went unanswered. I resorted to email too. And I even dropped by his place many times hoping to get him. But it all amounted to nothing. If anything, it only added to my frustration. Guess I was fast turning into a stalker. I lost some weight too in all my grief of losing him. I have since stopped all attempts to contact him for the last two months. Even kicked him off my Facebook so I wouldn't have to see his face.

All the while I tried everything too, to get better. Counsel from trusted friends, counsel from a priest, praying, turning to crystal healing, taking St John's wort and listening to Isochronic tones for depression, shopping, manicures pedicures, hair salon, gym and swim. It helped to pass the time and make me think. I got two new pet turtles too. I adore them to bits now.

I didn't lose much in losing him. I have to keep reminding myself. He is an older gentleman divorcee pushing 50, with a paunchy gut and still doesn't know if he wants to get re-married. Who always likes to take photos cheek to cheek with every woman he knows, claiming they are his close friends. It sickened me all the time. I don't envy the next girlfriend. She'll have to put up with that crap from him. He used to abandon me with strangers at parties too, while he went off socialising. I hated to see him dancing in clubs with other women too right in front of me. And the sad fact that he NEVER makes time for me. He's got time for his friends and his family but none for me. I felt like I was at the bottom of his priority list. It was awful. I don't know HOW or WHY I endured it. But I know this: NO woman deserves to be treated like that.

It wasn't like that in the beginning though. I was drawn to him because he was so charming and wealthy. He took me fine dining at all the posh places in town. His gifts were nice and expensive but I found it difficult to match his presents when I gave him gifts. What are you supposed to give a man who has everything? His family were extremely supportive of us too. Too bad we didn't work out. His father still hasn't given up hope and I don't have the heart to tell the old man it's never going to work.

I still have my bad days when I miss having someone. When we just broke up I wanted him back so bad just so that the pain would stop. But I know better now.

I'm just going to stand still and give it up to God. I found a new job that I love. Just spending my days better with people who really love me - my family, my close friends. They are the people who matter and I just want to show them I appreciate and care for them every bit as much as they do for me. They were there when I was at my lowest point.

Dear Elissa May, you have to let it go! focus on other things like your career, your folks etc. Go out with your friends stay less at home & you will feel less terrible. The other option you should seriously consider is to move out! go stay with your folks, its not the end girl, you will find someone who will be your soul partner. Its nature way of having you guys break now rather than later I guess lest time brings in more complications as it drags on.
Hope you'll feel better soon, move on dear, get on with your life. Don't stay in go out during weekends so you won't see him drive in or out!

A friend!