Seven Months Later

Seven months later and I'm not over it.  Not only can I not bring myself to date other people (I get terrified at the thought and distance myself from the person who is interested / who I am interested in instead of engaging - see my story in "I am terrified of relationships"), I am still really pissed off and sad about the whole situation.  I think about it every day, and get sad and upset.  I've taken space from the person who I was dating and their new partner (who used to be a very close friend of mine) and told them both exactly why.  I'm not really sure what else to do to process this and get over it except wait, but this seems like an exceptionally long time.

I had a dream last night that I ran into my ex at a coffee shop and yelled at them about all the messed up things that happened while we were dating and after we broke up.  The thing is, I have no idea what I said to them in my dream.  This is usually the case - I will occasionally have dreams where we are fighting about the break up and I have no idea what I said in the dream when I wake up.  I remember what they said to me though - they said that I had no idea who they really were, and that I never bothered to listen to them.  I was really hurt by this in my dream, although I'm pretty sure it has no bearing on reality.  I woke up from this dream crying at 6 in the morning, which is to say that in my dream after I yelled at them, yelled at their new partner / my old close friend (I just told this person that I really really hated them and that they were the biggest ******* ever), threw scalding hot water at their new partner, and got cold water thrown on me, I simply lied down on the floor of the coffee shop and started sobbing.  At this point I woke myself up sobbing in real life.

In my daily life, I feel no anger or even upset at my ex on a daily basis.  Sometimes (rarely) I miss them, and when we try to hang out I get really sad.  It's only in my dreams that my anger comes out.  I spend my time being angry at and thinking about how much I hate my old close friend / ex's new partner, for essentially breaking us up and then getting together with my ex.  It's strange that I seem to be devoid of emotion towards my ex.  I'm not really sure where that comes from.

I am frustrated that I can't get over this... I don't think there's anything more to communicate to either one of them, and I don't know what I can do for myself to move through things.  It would help if I was interested in other people, but I'm not.  Instead I'm terrified.  It's not like I want to get back together with my ex either - to the contrary, I can't imagine interacting with them in a healthy way at this point.  I feel really stuck.

onetwothree onetwothree
22-25, T
2 Responses Mar 18, 2009

I am going through the same thing. My ex, whom, recently broke up with me a few weeks ago, is now talking and dating my bestfriend. And i recently also found out they have been talking while we were dating. Im hurting and if its lasting long for you, I am truly terrified.

I think it's normal, but you might need some therapy to help you through in case you have some trauma. That's a horrible thing and perhaps you mourn your friend over your lover. I am sorry honey. You are going to get through, but do reach out for help if or when you need it. No need to be stuck forever. Wish you the best of luck. <br />
Hug