I Don't Want To Separate Or Divorce

My wife and I have been married for five years. At times, I have not been a good person and fulfilled her emotional needs. I feel as if I have failed miserably. She does as well. Currently, I am a non-willing passenger aboard the divorce boat.

It hurts so bad to not be able to tell her that I love her. It makes her feel bad. Today, she told me that I have always been emotionally selfish, and when we have our heart-to-heart conversations, I can't contain myself but let her know that I love her. I can't help but love her, unconditionally, even though she tells me she is no longer in love with me.

We have two small children, 1 and 2. I just don't know what to do. I am hurting. I am confused. I still want to give her whatever I can.

Today she told me that I have been emotionally selfish throughout our short 5 year marriage, and only thought of my own emotional needs. I can't help but feel this way, and keeping it bottled up shreds my whole being. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
dfeetedman dfeetedman
4 Responses Aug 8, 2010


You need to let her know and show her!!! If you truly love her you will do whatever nees to be done to make it happen. You do not want to go through the pain and devastation of a divorce. My husband never showed me that he loved me even though he said he did...that pain sucks. You need to beopen with her and hopefully everything works out.

im responding in a different way... reading your experience reminds me of the fear that my fiance will also feel similar to you. we have been together 4 years, with a 2 1/2 year old duaghter. In our case, I realized we are just different people... and i have requested we arrange for a seperation. My advice to you... don't sulk. Don't feel weak. Try to work with her best as you can, because really - fighting it will make it worse. Dont give in to everything either, you still have your own needs and requests. On your own, be the person she always wanted you to be (if that is what you want). Do the things you never took time to appreciate. Because you are the father of her children, remember that you already have one-up on any other guy. I assume you are afriad that someone else is going to scoop her up... don't think like that. She might be feeling like me... simply unsure that she wants to spend the rest of her life in a stagnant relationship. if she isn't happy now... how will it be in ten years? What she is doing is extremely hard (trust me, i'm there).. in the end, if you stay positive, confident, fun, and patient, she may come back around. but dont hold your breath. Just be strong. Work through it, have some fun... go on a vaca, get waisted... take the kids to an awesome place... don't think about her... and she might find herself wondering about you. I do hope you can find happiness - either way.

hi dear,the key to success when it comes to spousal relationship is ,admitting even if u did not do some thing wrong . If u admit in front of her that yes i was selfish but iwont be anymore and hug her ,and tell her your real feelings about her then she will really stay,just be sure that there is no one else in between ,bcoz it will be diffficult for u to stop her if u have a competiter ,well talk, tell her u love her i am praying for ur best .