Mediation

Hi royalhotness...love your name

I am in Australia, so I am wondering if our separation mediation is very different.

I have been to a solicitor for financial separation...and that is all it is. They dont want to hear how he treated me for years, what he is doing now, how he has my 14 year old daughter and is treating her how he used to treat me at 14 when I met him...very controlling, but in return it is xmas every day for her, he gives her everything she wants and he can. He has his full wage, he is still living in our beautiful 5 bedroom house with pool and with all the things I chose with care, love and budgeting in mind. Since I left him he hasnt had to do a thing but live in the same comfort he has always lived in. Everything for me has changed. I pay rent and utilities from a very low wage, a wage that is okay as a second income but not to live on...he always knew this.

The solicitor adds up the figures and the final figure is then halved or he may get 2% more than me because he has our daughter.

The biggest think for me royalhotness is CHANGE...after 32 years everything has changed for me. Nothing has changed for him except that I am not there to control so his control is now projected onto my daughter in very subtle ways that she is too self absorbed to notice...now.

The end result is that it was my choice to leave...believe me I had to.

I havent said much about your situation...sorry...I suppose I wanted to vent to someone else who is going through nearly the same emotions.

I still dont know which is worse...the one leaving who holds onto the guilt of leaving, or the one who is left, who wants to fix things up, who cant understand why?

Thanks redredcherrie. I completely agree. Its been such a wonderfull experience having so many people not only understand what im going through but cheering me on while i walk this path. I am not alone anymore and neither are any of my new friends. Feeling so happy right now.

Us, bruised bleeding hearts should stick together, encouraging and inspiring each other to keep moving forward! You are a beautiful soul!

never apologize, that's what we're here for. Also, good for you for being strong. It doesn't matter what you do when they're gone: cry, scream, rant, rave (except you have to be easy on your body and the little one right now) but yes, it is so hard to stay cool outside when our insides are exploding. Good steps today. Here's hoping for a better tomorrow. Maybe if I get enough in my, I'll post my story and you can let me rant for awhile :). Also, detachment and meditation are both excellent choices. Way to go.

from someone who fell in love online. it took me months to feel "love". first i felt friendship, then i felt concern for him. then i couldn't stop thinking about him. then i surmised i was in love. so 10 days was maybe and still maybe is "infatuation". and that, my dear, is dangerous. because when that infatuation ends, it's gonna be ugly. and if it's on her side, and when she comes down from that cloud, your ex will probably come running back to you. and, hopefully, by then you've moved on with your life and could do it without him. then in the love department, let the spirits handle that for you. you are still young. i am sure something is being planned for your happiness as we speak. have faith in everything. and feel better about getting what you can for you and your children monetarily. it looks like you are in more need of it than he is. he can always crawl back to mom and dad and they could foot the bill.

Thankyou soldi, its so nice that someone believes in me. I am doing the best I can to be strong and was ever so proud of myself at the actual mediation, I did not cry or get angry or show any real emotion infront of him... I was channeling the Ice queen. lol. But ive been abit of a mess ever since. Im so sick of the lies and the fact that the universe seemed to reward him in his actions and I was very annoyed about constatly hearing about his rights! Grrr they even tried to pressure me into arranging access for my unborn child! I told them in private that I wasn't ready to make arrangements in regards to the baby yet and they still brough it up. hehehehe in the end to shut them up I lowered my standard to his level and told a lie.. "The baby is irrelivent as its probably not his child. So if anything is to be arranged for the child a paturnity test will have to be done." My lawyer looked at me and smirked and the mediator the knew i was bluffing too but said that "paturnity test are quite expensive maybe you two could agree to pay half the costs each?" I said "no thanks. We'll be right." hahahahahaha My husband said nothing during my little blurb but i was so annoyed that the mediator (who is an ex lawyer) seemed to feel sorry for him and took on the role of speaking up for him. But it did achieve what I wanted in the end, the mediator and my lawyer agreed that you can't arrange custody of a child that doesn't exist yet. Which is what I had been trying to say all along! I will get stronger after every hurdle but I cant shake the jealousy at the moment, I don't feel like I have any real prospects in life at the moment and I will never have it as easy as he does. I am currently working on learning 'detachment' and heaps of meditation. Hopefully if I can master that im going to be alot more emotionally stable. Sorry for the extra vent Soldi, hehehehe maybe you shouldn't comment on my rants again to protect yourself from another eyefull of my ridiculous story! Wishing you peace and love soldi. xx And thanks again.

You ARE an excellent mother and a great wife. You are exhibiting true beauty from inside you. She may look a certain way but what kind of person gets involved with a man in his situation? Also, as you said, you couldn't fall in love with a puppy in 10 days. There's is not built on a solid foundation. Really, what does a man of no principles or moral backbone have to offer anyone. It will come clear in the long run, however that no longer is of use to you. What your focus is, and it seems to be getting there stronger each day, is you and your beautiful kids. Take whatever you can get from him, you deserve it, and leave him, even if he comes crying back when it all comes crashing down. I am very impressed and proud of how you are getting through this and I hope you can see that in yourself. Good luck and stay strong.