Confused, Hurt And Messed Up!!!Its been nearly a year that I separated from my husband. It was very difficult and very painful, I had to use all the strength I had in me to end it but it was for the best.
Living in a toxic relationship is not a healthy way to go and when children are involved it is even harder.
I have tried so hard to cope with all the pain and loneliness but I have been so deeply wounded that even now that only the scars remain, I feel empty and totally lost!!!!
I have kept my distance and tried to be civil for the sake of our son, it is the hardest thing to do but you do it to ensure that your child is spared as much pain as possible.
Lately, we have been able to do a few things together so our son can see that things are o.k even though daddy and mummy do not live in the same house.
In the beginning it was o.k and it made me feel so happy to see my sons eyes light up when all three of us were together even if it was for a couple of hours a week.
Now that Xmas is around the corner I feel like ****.
I have a good relationship with my ex husbands family. I have no one here and am totally alone so they have invited me over for Xmas. They insists that I am still part of the family even though we are separated.
I don't want to go, it is too much for me and they will not take no for an answer. Even my ex insists I go as it is better than spending that day alone.
I am so messed up because there is a part of me that does want to go because I would love to be with my son Xmas day but then there is a part of me that doesn't want to go because I am not with my ex and I don't want to go to an event where all of the relatives will be when we are not together. I am not ready for that as yet and they do not understand.
I don't want to go but I don't want to offend my husbands family as they are the only support group I have here.
I am so messed up and even though Xmas is meant to be a happy time it is pure pain and misery for me!!!!
Wiltingflower 36-40, F 4 Responses 1 Dec 13, 2011