Alone In A Battle For Sanity And FreedomSeperated for almost a year and things were somewhat ok up until now.
The last few months were good as both my an ex and I decided to try and have a friendship for the sake of our little boy.
It started in a subtle manor where my ex would invite me to go with him and my son to swimming lessons. I was hesitant at the start and still kept my guard up. I went a couple of times and it was not too bad.
When I would drop off my little boy off on Sunday's ( Day that daddy had him) at my in laws house ( where my ex is currently living) I would hang out for a couple of hours and that would make my little boy so happy.
As the days went by and this friendship was developing my ex started to bring out his controlling and abusive nature out.
He called me on a day that he had my son and asked if I could come with them to the shopping centre because he had an appointment with the Apple Store to fix his mobile. I put aside what I was doing and agreed. Going there was fine but the day ended in me crying because while he was getting his phone fixed, I took our son to the Jumping Castle so he can play while we waited. My son took with him a little toy that looked like a spider and had little sticky bits on the legs.
I told my son not to take the toy onto the Jumping Castle as he may break it. My son started to carry on so we made an agreement that if he does take it and another child breaks it that he would not get upset and throw a tantrum as it was his decision to take it with him. My son agreed and he is good like that.
When my ex came to meet us at the jumping castle he noticed another child had grabbed my sons toy and pulled off the sticky bit of one of the spiders legs.
Well....He turned to me and started attacking me for letting Nikolas take the toy and now it is ruined! HE went on and on about it! I tried to explain to him that we had made an arrangement and Nikolas was aware if the consequences. My ex was not interested he carried on like a 5 year old that the toy was ruined ...He said as we were walking back to the car " So what if Nikolas had a tantrum and wanted to take the toy...You sould have said NO! You are the mother! How old is Nikolas again???? If Nikolas had a tantrum and insisted on having a cigarette would you give it to him!!!!!
I was so upset, I walked ahead of them and tried so hard to control my tears.
Then, my little boys birthday is coming up. We agreed on having his party at the swimming pool. My ex gave me a list of all the kids he wanted to invite and told me to get the invites organised.
I wrote all the invites and took them to his his house. He then remebered that he wanted to add another friend to the list but he was not sure of the kids names. I told him to find out and let me know. He did not let me know and a few days later this is what happened.
I turned up to his house to collect Nikolas...I was there for 15 min...then he asked " Did you bring the Invitation pad?" I looked at him and answered no.
He then started to carry on again that I forgot the pad and how are we going to get the invites out on time...He started to attack me again infront of his mum. I told him that he did not ask for the pad and how the hell was I to know he wanted it that day!
First, he told me I should have known.....then he continued insisting that he told me and that I must of forgot, and that I have a bad memory and I forget things all the time...He really embarassed me infront of his mum.
That was the the last straw!!!
I got up I went up to him and told him that he can do what he likes regarding the party as I will not be going!!!
He then continued telling me that I should not be stupid and that I would only be hurting my son if I do not turn up!!!!
I left with my son... I was angry as hell, and sooooo upset!!!!!!
Next day he continued with the issue and ignored the fact that I told him I was not going!
A couple of nights later... I was home alone with my son. It was 10pm and I heard noises downstairs in the garage.... I got so scared! I heard a car start... I look outside the window and I see my ex pulling out of the drive way.
I call him and ask what was he doing under the house at this hour without ringing me or letting me know that he was here.
He first denied it was him... I then told him I saw him close the garage door with the remote he has in the car. He then quickly stated with a cold laugh...I needed to get something...and hung up!
I freaked out!!!! You see we both own the house I live in but up until know we had an unspoken agreement that he would call ahead before coming and I never refused him. This was the first time he turned up unannounced and he scared me. He did not think much of it and told me to get over it when I explained to him the next day that it was wrong what he did.
I have told him to stay away from me...to not call me and if he wants to discuss anything with our son to email or text me as I do not want to put up with any more of his abuse as this is what made me leave him in the first place!!!!!
I am now so paranoid and scared as to what he does when I am not home.
The ***** knows I am in a hard situation as I have no one here and he is using this to play mind games.
I have told him that I have had enough and that the house will be going up for sale in the next week and I want him to stay away from me!!!!!
I have made an appointment with legal aid to get some advice as I am afraid he might do something and take my boy away.
I am so scared and stressed and I have know one here that understands...my family is in another state.
My sons god mother hs no clue what is like as she is happily married and has a husband made of gold.
She has been lecturing me on getting over my depression and to get on with it! I cannot believe the nerve of some people!
I am soooo scared and confused and have no idea what to expect, but one thing I know is that I will have a huge fight on my hand and I will be battling alone for my son and my life!!!!
Wiltingflower 41-45, F 0 Jan 15, 2012