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3rd Strike??

I am going through a seperation.  My husband of almost 9 years has left....again.  This is the 3rd time in 3 years he has packed up and moved out.  We have three children, ages 2, 4 and 6.  He has said that he cannot stand my complaining and nagging.  I do now that I have done those things but he is not perfect either.  I am wanting to make it work and all he wants is out.  I don't know what to do so I don't do anything.  I guess I just want to connect with people who are going through the same experience.

plantcitygirl plantcitygirl 26-30 7 Responses Apr 21, 2008

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There shouldn't have been a second or third strike, either He's committed for better or worse or he's not ,tell him he sounds like a spoiled mamas boy, tell him to get off his a** and join the world of working people with responsibilities and integrity instead of being a spoiled ,selfish brat. He has kids ,time to man up and take care of them and his wife. when you get married and have kids it doesn't matter what you want ,your families needs and your children's needs come first, that's what you agree to when you get married and when you have kids, Its called selfless sacrifice . Men like him pi** me off.

Sometimes there's a point to it, sometimes there isn't. Before I say something, I try to think to myself: Is this something that needs to be done *right now*?

If I can't definitively say yes, I don't tend to bother anyone. That's the case most of the time. If it IS something that needs to be done right now, I start hurrying them up and putting them on a schedule that leaves just a little padding to account for those wierd glitches that happen from time to time.

But since I'm a guy, when I do that I'm called domineering, mysoginist, controlling...

YOU KNOW MEN DONT LIKE TO HERE THE TRUTH, THATS WHY THEY CALLS IT NAGGING!<br />
WHEN HE DESIDES TO COME HOME, YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN WITH HIM AND ASK HIM POINT BLANK, DO YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED ANYMORE? BECAUSE I DONT BELIVE YOUR NAGGING TO WHERE ITS DRIVING HIM AWAY, BUT I DO BELIVE THAT HE MAKEING EXCUSES AND HATE HEARING THE TRUTH. AND ARE YOU BEING TRUEFUL TO YOUR SELF AS WELL? YOU KNOW YOUR HUSBAND BETTER THAN ANYONE AND I THINK YOU KNOW THE REAL REASON HE KEEPS LEAVING, MAYBE YOU DONT WANT TO ADMIT IT, BUT I THINK YOU KNOW. PLEASE DONT TAKE WHAT I SAID THE WRONG WAY, BECAUSE I BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT TO, AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE. IF YOU REALLY DONT KNOW YOU CAN ASK A MAN NAME GOD. I CAN TELL YOU IF YOU PREY AND ASK HIM TO SHOW YOU WHY HE LEAVE HOME HE WILL! IT MAY NOT BE WHEN YOU WANT IT BE GOD IS RIGHT ON TIME! BELIVE IT ! BUT A WORD OF WARNING, THE OLD SAYING BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR, BECAUSE YOU JUST MITE GET IT! GOOD LUCK GOD SPEED!

Ladycox is exactly right<br />
As a male I hate to say that<br />
I only wish my wife were half as forgiving<br />
My only infractions were a few fat lies<br />
Not to minimize my faults but these dudes make me look like an alter boy

You deserve so much more than this overgrown kid has to offer you. Men don't even have a clue as to how stressful a mothers life is. We do more work than men do and I can't understand how so many of them don't want to believe or except this fact. Sometimes I wish I were a man so I wouldn't have so many responsibilities. I hope you win the lottery and kick this guy to the curb!

agreed.

this is the 2nd time that I am currently separated with my husband. He filed to divorce me 2 years ago over his affair with his ex GF and forced me to move out. We lived apart for about 5 months afterward. He kept saying he wanted nothing but a divorce and tried to blame every thing on me and lied to the lawyers and hid his affair. It was very painful for me to go through. but I knew it took 2 ppl to make a bad marriage. So I tried my best to be a better wife after the reunion. My hus is an alcoholic. so you know the scenes. When he was drunk , it was unbearable. When he is not drinking, hes got the crave, gets very grumpy, irritated and complain over even the smallest thing such as the setting of the air conditioner or the casual wear I had at home (I think its normal for a person who wear a Tee and shorts at home to be comfortable, but i always kept my hair tidy and being neat and I always dressed properly when going outside to look nice). He started to try to stop drinking over some person issues since Feb this year but being very grumpy ever since. They call it a DRY DRUNK behaviors. I never nag on him, I support him as long as it makes him happy. I try to do things as long as I am capable of . But he would say very mean things to hurt my feeling whenever it suits him. So we finally argued really bad in July, and I moved out and left him. Only this time, I did it by myself and not by anyone else. I still love him very much. But I also believe that No One Does Things Perfectly, we all wish we could have handled some situations better, been more patient or calmer that does not make us responsible for other peoples bad actions. <br />
for me i will give it 6 months time. if it does not work and he does not show that he wants me back and be able to work things out together , I will have to give up and move on , mean while, I need to focus on working , treat myself well , go to GYM and stay healthy. I hope you can do the same too, take care of yourself is the first and most important thing to do. then try to ask him for walk and talk things out , I would suggest not to discuss the situation at home to reduce tense,

Well - I don't have an answer but I can tell you that I am going thru something similar and there does not seem to be any right thing to do. I am pregnant with our 3rd child - due to deliver any day now and my husband of 9 years started going out several nights a week and either not coming home till the early morning hours TOTALLY drunk or not at all. When I ask him where he's been I get NO straight answer - just some excuse of how his truck broke down or he lost his keys or something stupid. This has been going on for about 6 months now. Then we moved to a bigger house because we lived in a VERY SMALL house and could barely do it with 1 kid (never mind 3) The day after we settled he decided to take a trip to Las Vegas because he thinks I threw him out when he was drunk on the floor the first morning we lived here and he was supposed to be at work. Subsequently he now has no job and we have a new bigger house to pay for... Well he blames me for everything and says I don't treat him nice or trust him... And by the way I found text messages to another woman who he says he was not having an affair with but just talking to so he could feel better... I guess I am just venting and letting you know that even if you fight it or try to make things better - I guess they will just do what they want to and blame you in the process anyway. Women deserve to nag... women deserve to be treated like women and any MAN who can't handle that will do as he pleases at every turn of the game.