Omg!! I Cannot Believe What Just Happened!!!It's been 14 months now that I have been separated. I have struggled so hard to pull myself back together again and raise my little boy on my own. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for sometime now regarding my ex husband and how I felt about him there has been a large cocktail of emotions that I have been battling with and trying so damn hard to severe the connection and emotional pull that he had over me.
For the past month I thought that I finally achieved it, I thought that I am finally on the road to recovery, I thought that there is nothing that he can do any more that would get to me until tonight!
When we separated he did not fight for his family he just turned his back and walked away, leaving me with so many unanswered questioned and making me feel so abandoned and used like an old pair of jocks he just tossed everything we had for 9 years aside!
All the emotional neglect, all the deceit, all the lies, the affairs, the abuse, the constant pressure to join a swingers club, the inconsiderate way he used to talk about sharing me with other men and woman really did my head in.
After 14 months while talking to him on the phone arranging a time for him to drop off our son we get into a conversation about us. He starts to tell me that even though he did what he did with other woman and phone chat lines he still loves me but wait for the best part!!!!!
In shock I sat on the phone silently listening to him and what bowled me over was that he started to say that he now knows that he cannot be in a monogamous relationship, he likes to swing with other married couples or singles, he does not like to be restricted as it is like keeping a wild animal in a cage....BUT...even though that is what he is like he still loves me and he wants me to consider getting back together again with the agreement that he likes to be open with our sexuality and that he would like me to join him in a life of swinging.
He then continued on about how he is working hard and there is an opportunity for him to make a lot of money and basically that he wants me in his life so we can be a family but under the conditions that he works long hours and does not get hassled and we become a swingers couple....
I left the best part till last.....as I sat there silently taking all this in, my head was spinning and my ears could not believe what they were hearing..he then continued on saying that he would contact the guy I had gone to see last week for mediation so we can settle our property and child concerns, and tell him that he would like to delay our meeting for 3 months so I can think about what he has just slapped into my face.
OMG!!!! What planet is this guy on...it certainly is not Earth!!!
All I ever wanted was a partner to share my life with, have a family with and grow old together.
A relationship for me was a sacred thing that I valued and respected. I don't know how swingers can do what they do and still be in a loving relationship and maybe some can but, they needs to be a very deep level of trust and understanding and respect for one another which I had lost in him for quite some time!!!
I told him straight out NO...there is no way I could live a life like that and frankly I don't know if any woman would, unless they were also emotionally retarded, happy to have a hubby that was not around but brought in the dollars... My ex's moto was Work hard and play hard!!
I wish him luck in the life that he has chosen and there is no way even for the sake of my child that I could even consider agreeing to such a life.
I am a very loving person who needs emotional security, I am loyal and would never consider deceiving or hurting my partner. Trust is very important in my books and once that is gone ....well...that is one of the biggest foundations in a relationship, so how can it ever be rebuilt!!!
I can't believe that he also asked me to research the swingers scene and went on about how huge it is....
I could not care less if it was as big as the Universe and then some.... I am not built that way and don't think I ever will be.
He then went on about how I need to get help with my anxiety issues because he does not believe that if I don't get that sorted I could not cope in the scene!!!
OMG!!!! Can someone please give me a gun!!!!!
My whole spiritual balance has just been warped out of shape again!!!
I feel like I have just walked in the front door and someone was waiting behind the door with a fish ( snapper) and just smashed me in the face!!!
If ever I needed a joint...it is tonight!!!!
This is too much...the nerve!!!!
Ok....I have calmed down now that I have vented all the crap that my poor brain had to absorb!!!
Thank you to all that take the time to read this....thanks EP for being here to let me get this crap off my chest...
I now can finally go to sleep....Good All....xxxxxoooooo