Blind Sided.

2 months ago my wife just told me out of nowhere that she rented a house behind my back and was leaving the next morning. I was devastated. Sees been gone with liittle direct contact. I don't know where she lives and she won't say she wants a divorce. She says she wants to be sure of her decision. Shouldn't you know you want a divorce if you blind side your husband like this. How long should I sit and wait? The emotions I'm having are painful and ruining my health and my concentration. See says she needs time to get
Her thoughts together.
Lemans1967 Lemans1967
36-40, M
3 Responses Mar 31, 2012

Counseling was wonderfully helpful for me. Talking about it and listening to other peoples stories of lost loves was also helpful to see i'm not the only one. It really is heart breaking to have someone blindside you with the "i'm done, I'm moving on" words. This happened to me 10 wks ago. He already has someone else which tells me he was "done" along time ago but never truly came out and said it. We were living life as usual and it was quite a shock. I am a very strong woman but it knocked me totally out of balance. After several weeks of depression, anxiety and the grief process I have pushed myself to get out in the world also, like Dooey1, and I am recovering fast.......sure I have a set back here or there, but yes, live your life. Unfortunately the decision of moving along in life without her is nothing you can control , but u can control what you do now. Join a dating website......I did after 10 yrs of being with my boyfriend I couldn't picture myself with anyone else, but I have me some nice people and am having a good time, no commitments, just company right now. I'm sorry for your pain, time is a great healer and their is love out there again for you my friend!!!

Thanks for the support. It's been over four months now and I still have mainly bad days. Just now going to sign dissolution papers but it's hard after 9 years. Meeting new people is a train wreck and seems impossible. The company and conversation would be nice but it's a cruel world out there. How do meet someone other than a bar or dating site. It's impossible.

I am sorry to hear your story, this truly breaks my heart. Was your wife unhappy for sometime or was this a sudden move? I really feel you should take this time to reflect on your marriage and see where things may have gone gone wrong. In time the pain will subside and you will be a stronger and wiser man. Good luck

I wish I had the answer for you on how long you should wait - because if I had the answer for you, I would have it for myself too. I too was blindsided by my husband when he abruptly told me he wants a separation. It wasn't quite as fast as yours, but it was still sudden. And all I can say is that when you've had enough, you'll know it. I'm trying not to think in terms of "how long will I wait" because I will go crazy creating different scenarios ba<x>sed on different timing. All I know right now is that today, I'm not ready to give up. Who knows about tomorrow, but right now, it's not over for me.<br />
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As far as the "sit" portion of "sit and wait", I would highly recommend you do completely the opposite. Get out there. Do stuff. See people. In the time that I've been "on my own" (a few weeks), I've seen more friends than I probably had in the past year. I started volunteering at the local food bank. I picked up some extra freelance work. And let me tell you, it feels great to be living my life. And (this is kind of petty and passive aggressive) it feels great to show my estranged husband that I am not stopping my life.<br />
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I am still very hopeful that he and I will work things out and in the long run we will be together. But in the meantime, I am taking care of myself the best way I can: I'm feeling the emotions as they come and staying busy. I've always made fun of this in the past, but One Day at a Time really does help.<br />
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Good luck to you. I am confident that whatever happens between you and your wife, you will have a good life. Might not be exactly what you planned, but it will still be good.