Seperated, Hurt And Confused
My husband of almost 4 years just recently separated after I had found out that he still had an addiction problem. This was the 3rd time that something like this had happened and I had warned him the last time that if this happened again I would kick him out. I was so emotional that I called him at work and calmly told him to come get his stuff and he needed to leave. He simply said ok. He never came to get his stuff and I texted him some pretty nasty things but the next day i realized that I should have handled it better and tried to get him help so I called him asking if we could meet to talk. He told me there was nothing to talk about. I ended up finding out that he was staying with some of my friends and that he would ignore my calls and texts. Finally I got to speak with him a few days ago and he told me that it was over and that it wasn't working out. That he was going to get his own apartment and that he wanted to be alone and do the things he wants to do when he wants to do them. He said he was happier now and stopped using drugs and that I was the cause of him taking them. I dragged him down. I encouraged him to go to college, even going as far as sending away for applications, and telling him I would work so he could do that full time and I would move away with him as well. Then he said I had no ambition. I am a college graduate with a good job. But apparently being his wife and wanting to be mother of his children wasn't the right ambition. He also told me that we are better as friends and that why be married if our friendship works. I have loved him for years and he went through so much stuff to be with me and fought for me for years. Now he feels our marriage was a mistake and he's not ready but he still loves me. He hasn't said anything about divorce but took off his ring and said that I should take mine off too and seemed happy when I said that I was supposed to meet a potential date with a friend, but it wasn't for me it was for my friend. He said that there is no other girl he just wants to be alone and find himself and that I need to do the same because he was bored and didn't like his life. But not only that but he is staying with my best girlfriend and her boyfriend and I keep finding out that him and my friend are always hanging out together and doing things but she has not called me for a week even after I ask her boyfriend to have her call me. I just don't know what to do. He has been everything to me and now he's just gone. he told me he would never leave and now I am all alone. I can't stop crying. I can't eat or sleep. I am so heart broken and am afraid that I am not worthy of love and I will never feel loved again.