I am 53 and soon to be separated. My husband and I have had problems in our relationship for years. Moreover, I have been fighting cancer and depression for the last 4-5 years. In the meantime, my husband accumulated debts and it got to that point where I discovered we are losing our house. I am not working anymore. I am disabled, half deaf and still coping with the last surgery- Whipple- which is very hard. I certainly didnt want our life to go on as it was: financial irresponsibility, lack of communication and huge fights. All that in addition to my sudden illnesses and depression. I used to be a successful teacher, excellent student, had my BA and MA with honors, etc. I had a life full. Now I can no longer work, can hardly walk or hear. I cant find what to do with my life anymore and am devastated that my husband just wants a separation without even trying therapy. (We once tried it but he stopped believing in it so we did nothing about our relationship despite my constant plights).
I feel sad and scared. He is my 2nd husband. We have been married for 23 years. I was happy to divorce my first husband whom I married at 19. It was a bad marriage.Really bad.
What is sad is that my husband and I still have some love for each other. He says we will always be friends and he takes me to every dr appointment, hospital checkup etc.
I feel as if he does not want to fight for our relationship, for our marriage. He says there's no way he sees it can get better so we just have to separate. We first have to sell the house, return debts and with what remains, find a suitable place for me (I'm handicapped).
It feels as if I am a failure, as if nothing awaits for me, there is no future for a 53 year old invalid like me......I know it sounds depressing, but thats how I feel.
Written on July 1st, 2012