Well That Is That

Thank you for checking in on me...I went to a VERY dark place for awhile. So much so that I was about to commit suicide and called my mother to say goodbye and she got me to come to her house...where me and my kids are now living and you know what? I am doing SO MUCH BETTER. SO MUCH. It is like a switch flipped and I no longer see this as hopeless. I see him as someone who has hurt me too many times. He obviously doesn't love me enough and I deserve to be loved that much. PERIOD. I am WORTH it.

How are you?

I am glad you are doing so much better! You deserve to be happy, and your children deserve a happy mommy!

I am very sad today. I feel so defeated. So scared. So confused. So alone. I love him so goddamned much and still can't believe this is really real...thanks for asking. I need to go just cry and cry until there is nothing left...

Been there many times. Loving him so much - and Hurting so bad I wanted to curl up and die. And when my 22 yr old daughter moved out with her dad, leaving me all alone, I hurt so bad I started having panic attacks.Lost my husband and daughter same day- they both live together in his new place- and Im here in our family home of 21 yrs so very alone It is Not Easy. I will say that the ONLY thing that holds me together and keeps me functioning is my faith in God- and Knowing My Life is In His hands- and He will work out His very best for me. ** the fear part is that God never forces people to change and my hard hearted husband doesnt listen to anyone not even God.-- So Im learning to be an indiv. again after 34 yrs of marriage- and I hate it. I hate not being a family anymore, I hate that my husband and my daughter are angry with Me for the separation - when my husband is the one who made the choice to Not Seek Therapy for his problem or Couples therapy.- so he is the one who forced me to insist on separation. ** I understand being so sad/depressed you can hardly move. I started taking a herbal supplement sold by Herballife- called "Relax Now"- - and it did help some to relieve the sadness/depression. and while I know your children are a burden whileyou are so sad- - they also keep you from crawling into bed and never getting up. - This situation is so hard- and all we can do is face today- and then we face tomorrow... I cant think about looking too far ahead the pain of today and tomorrow are all I can bear. --

I am so very tired of facing today. I don't see anything beyond the pain. I am falling into a very dark place. I put on a face for him, wanting to be cool and supportive in hopes he will see me as a awesome person but inside, I am dying, screaming, batshit crazy.

That is so hard. My 4 year old asks every single day why daddy isn't here, why he doesn't want to be married to me anymore, ect...I don't know how to answer so I say "daddy has some things to work out" but it isn't a good enough answer for her. She just doesn't get it. I don't either though, so what do I expect.