Don't Know What To Do

I have been married for sixteen years and we have had our problems just like any other couple. Most of the time I feel like it was okay. A few months ago he started working later and later and later. He would leave at six in the morning and not come home until almost midnight. Sometimes I would call and if he didn't answer the cell phone I would call his job. A couple of times the supervisor would tell me that he wasn't there. Of course this upset me and I confronted him and all he would say is that it must be someone new answering the phone or they forgot that he was working over time. I started to get suspicious and whenever he would be home and get in the shower or a deep sleep I would go through his cell phone. Of course there was no text messages or phone calls.... I found that strange because sometimes his text would go off in front of me at 10:30 or 11:00 at night. Whenever I would ask him who it was he just said his cousin. I finally got smart enough and got the password to his voicemail. I had been wanting to check it but just never felt the need. One night he came home and he was so tired. He was sleeping really hard so I picked up his cell phone and went into another room and checked his voicemail. Sure enough it was a woman saying that she was worried about him and some other stuff. I put the phone number to that voicemail in my phone. I woke him up and I said I have a confession I went through your phone and I found this number that I don't know who it belongs to. He was like what.... why would you be going through my phone and what number is it? I said why don't we call it and I proceeded to dial the number on my phone and put it on speaker. When it started to ring he jumped up saying hang that up hang that up. When she answered he began chasing me around the house trying to get me to hang up the phone. She told me her name and how long they had been talking. I asked her if he was with her on thanksgiving because he wasn't with me and his kids and she said yes. He told me that he didn't want to stay home this year and he didn't, instead he drove all the way to Florida to be with her. Anyway at this point he got so mad that he packed up all of his things and left. He realized that he left his phone and kept asking for it and he asked for that phone with so much care and passion more than he's ever shown for me. I went through the phone a little more and found her pictures and some pictures of her private parts and some other things. The next day I gave him the phone but only after I forwarded them to my cell phone. Now It's been 13 days and I have no job no income whatsover. And that's okay. My problem is that my kids especially my oldest misses him soooo much. His grades are already starting to drop to failing. I'm hurt because my son is hurting and there isn't anything that I can do to help him. So at this point I really don't know what to do...
cantstandthatjackass cantstandthatjackass
6 Responses Dec 12, 2012

You know its funny how so many stories are so hauntingly similar...
I too realized my husband of 23 years started working later and later..
and we started getting more and more distant....
I either underestimated it as the ups and downs of a long marriage....
or I just didn't want to see it!!!

I woke up Christmas eve and one of ours friends called to see if we were attending another friends Christmas eve party...I picked up his phone to check the invitation and ended up finding myself reading some extremely explicted messages...
after reading untill I couldn't take it anymore...I too forwarded them to myself!
Then contacted her!!!!!
Then went and woke him and I threw him out....
but let him return for Christmas the next day for his girls...

my kids are so angry at me??? for throwing him out
now my youngest is suffering so bad I fought to get her into counselling

I too have no income now and may loose our house....
I know how scared you are feeling...

so you are so not alone and my best advice is to focus on your children.... the school and fill them in....they have so many resources
and contact your doctor to help with referals for counselling for yourself
I honestly don't think anything..maybe time
that will help being betrayed by someone you loved and trusted

I hope your family had a safe and merry Christmas

If it was would be over. No way would I accept an affair. Some people would say its a bit ordinary that you would look through his phone. I don't. Do what you need to do to feel good. If he loves you he wouldn't get upset about this because he has nothing to worry about and it makes you feel better so go ahead...I get to make you feel better...for free!!!. You have some real pain in front of you, but remember the other side of that pain...its awesome to be happy, and you can only be happy by going on that journey. You will have a crappy start to 2013...but the end will be magic. Best of luck !!!. R

You are very strong to hold up under all this. The other commenters are right: get as much help as you can, because you deserve the best. Please be strong--for your family and yourself. You are important, and you deserve to be happy. Go in safety and peace.

This is a very heartbreaking story especially when there are children involved. I would start off by getting the family into counseling. You are going through a very difficult situation right now so you will need all the support you can get.
You might also talk to the school to let them know what's going on perhaps your son can get some special tutoring. I am so sorry your husband betrayed his family and marriage. I do believe though that he will suffer the consequences. Wishing you the best for a new life of happiness and healing.

Thank you heather111. That is some great advice, I think I've been too embarrassed to even open to people for them to help me.

Thank you, me too

woww sorry your going through all of this,,,hope things turn out in your favor,,