At The Moment I Hate Him

Right now I hate my soon-to-be ex. I hate him for putting me through this. I hate him for lying. I hate him for betraying me. I hate him for being! Throughout this entire mess, I have tried to not hate him, but I do. I really do. I find myself hating the fact that he is even breathing. I hate that he thinks he can bully me when it comes to our children. I hate that he thinks he can tell me what I can and cannot take from our home. I hate that he is telling me I have to leave the home. I hate that he is a bastard person. I hate that he tells me I am a bad mom because I am bipolar. I hate that he tells me I cannot take care of myself and the children. I hate that he hit me. I hate him.
jahsmah jahsmah
31-35, F
1 Response Jan 7, 2013

Well, all I can tell you is that it's perfectly normal. I can also tell you it may take a while before you don't hate him anymore. Right now you probably think you will always hate him. First things first; bipolar must be managed, wether you want the treatment or feel you don't need it you must get that checked out. Why? Because you don't need the guilt of wondering if this person you "hate" is, in fact, correct.
Secondly, breathe.. and allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling in the safety of th company of people you love and care about. For a while you may find it helpful to simply shift your focus - do things that you always wanted to do but he stopped you from doing - nice things, "safe" things. It's a really desperate place to be in - that well of hate.. but I promise you it passes. Time wounds all heels, but it also numbs the pain from even the hottest walk over hot coals. Take care, and be gentle on yourself.