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My Wife Is Moving Out

My wife told me in October that she was unhappy with her life. She felt she couldn't be a good wife or mother without fixing herself. I asked her to stay and she did. We started counseling, both individually and together. I thought things were improving. Our marriage counselor even suggested we meet less frequently.

Then my son, 5, told me about going over to a friends house to play. It was her boss's kids house. She never told me she was spending any time there. She admitted going to the zoo together too. It ended up in a huge fight. She claimed she didn't tell me because I would get mad. She was right. I am jealous of this man. Just a feeling, but I have seen her smile when he walks into the room when I visit her at work. He has turned a profitable company into a money loser and she defends him and comments about how hard his job must be. I own and operate a small business that is doing very well now and she has never once told me she is proud of my accoplishments. Doubled sales in a construction business in 5 years in the worst economy in 70 years. I don't believe there is an affair there, he is married but he and his wife are struggling. They live about 3 hours apart and usually only see each other on weekends. She claims it is simply a friendship between a man and a woman who are going through similar things with kids that go to the same school. I have asked her point blank if there is anything there and she swears no, that it is only secret because I get mad when she talks about him. She is right there.

At her request, she has decided to move out. She is getting an apartment with a six month lease. She says she wants to fix herself so she can fix her marriage. She doesn't think she can fix herself at home. She is borderline depressed, the doctor suggests medication, the counselor suggests none at least not yet. She is beautiful, 5'5" and 130 pounds. She thinks she is fat and ugly.

Neither of our individual counselors think separations are good things but both admit that they sometimes work. But everyone has to be pulling for the marriage not trying divorce. It is going to happen February 1. We have discussed all of the ground rules. While she is gone, she will pay for the things that are increasing our cost of living, rent, electric, gas. I have agreed to pay all the joint bills for a period of six months. I want to punish her for leaving but it will only hurt the kids and why would she ever want to come back if I was hurting her more? She was my best friend and now I'm struggling with finding people to share my pain with. I don't want this separation, but I do want my wife. It is so hard to make it through the day alone and even harder to make it through the night with her still sleeping a foot away from me.

If this works, it would be worth all the pain to keep my wife and family together. I am having a very time convincing myself she wants to get back together in the end. I have two choices today, believe her and work toward saving my marriage by letting her go or don't believe her let her go and know my marriage is over. Both options suck because she is leaving either way. For now I'm going to believe her that she wants this to work and am going to put everything I can muster into trying to make this work.

I am looking for support and stories from people who have tried separation and it has worked for them. I need ideas about how to find a support structure while she is gone. All I do is work and go home. I am probably broken too, I know a lot of our problems are my own doing.

I know this is long. Thanks for reading.
Dakota06 Dakota06 36-40, M Jan 25, 2013

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