Losing Th Strenth To Leave

My husband and I have been struggling for quite sometime, I have left before for a few months only to end up back together, If you want all the details I have written it all before, check my profile.
Anyway, I know this relationship is unhealthy. It causes me stress and anxiety, it causes me to lose sleep, gives me a stomach ache, and keeps me in a financial hole. I told him I am leaving, told my family, friends and co- workers. I planned to use my tax check and get a new place. I have look for the past two week, at houses and apartments I have spread the word I am looking for a roommate, and i have canceled the ebills (lucky they are in his name). now i got my tax check paid some stuff off got a few nessesities and of course have very little left. I am out of the red and in the green, but no deposit on standby as i was hoping. and furthermore he lost his job AGAIN.
Just thinking about trying to find furniture and separating our stuff again, and losing the dog, it's all very overwhelming. I don't have a roommate yet, no place, no deposit, and now he is going to be totally screwed by my leaving. I know i need to quit worrying about him. however it's just not me to desert someone, even if he does so to me. He is sucking up big time, and i know it's temporary. I feel bad about myself to stay, but i am losing the strength to leave.
whitebelle whitebelle
26-30, F
3 Responses Feb 8, 2013

Just to update, I am settled in my new place and happy as cam be. The stress has just melted away!

good to hear :)
next (when your ready), find someone who wants you in there life :), not just the other way around :)

and hubby is going to be screwed no matter what till his drinking kills him, if your there or if your gone, he's gotta find something else to give him the drive to change. your seeing it's costing him job after job and everything else in life. (sucks to say it), it's not caring about him when your the cushion for him to fall back on when his drinking got the better of him and cost him everything else, ... again!

it's a backwards situation that staying isn't love it's enabling, it feels like love because you do honestly care about him, but staying isn't helping him pick up his life, it's helping him to continue the same self destructive behavior.

going to hurt, going to be many sleepless nights wondering how he's doing, you may or may not forget the bad times, ... but you know from experience going back doesn't help him change or do the right thing, not for himself or for you. then things repeat themselves.

if you stay, 10 years down the road what will things be like ?
if you leave 10 years down the road what could you have ?, ... even worst case scenario, would it be worse than what you've got in your life now ? from there it's only onto better things.

do you know why you keep going back ?
sounds like a silly question to wonder if a person knows why they do something or not. most people do things without having thought about it. then they wonder why, but they've never sat down and thought about what brings them to the point of going back to start with. (sometimes drugs, sometimes booze, sometimes bad relationships)