So Much Anger

I am going through alot of hurt and anger he is wanting us to be friends and says "someday" we could possibly get back together. He feeds me with the line he wants to be "friends". We have two kids, yes I know for their sake we need to be polite, which of course I have not been very polite. I have told him over and over I just can not be his friend, and of course he says well I will always hold you number one in my heart. 16 years of trying to make this all work and I feel like I have lost it all. I was cheated on, he had another child with this person, and stupid me thought I could move past this and we could move 500 miles away for love. I will admit I did cheat on him first and no I am not perfect. Why or how would it work to be friends with this person, one minute I see him I am as angry as all get out, and the next I am calling him balling my eyes out. For some odd reason i have feelings for him and i get so sad. Its like I am on a roller coaster. He always says cheer up, be happy, it's been six months and I can not get there.

angelswatching angelswatching
31-35, F
5 Responses Mar 1, 2009

I understand what you are going through. Although, my husband doesn't have any outside kids, but, he almost did. See he cheated and even had gotten someone woman that unknown to me, he had been messing around with for over a year pregnant, but, he talked her into getting an abortion, because she knew his situation (meaning me and our kids). But, no matter what he did to me I find myself hating him but at the same time loving him dearly and calling him and crying my heart out, to ask the question "why".

My husband and I are separated. I left him. We have no kids. I was in a cold, loveless and sexless marriage. In spite of all his warts, I love my husband dearly and would give anything for our marriage to work. The problem is that he doesn't need intimacy, sexual, physical or emotional the way I do. After a while of no connecting with the person you love most in the world, the emptiness grows in your heart and soul. How can one live with such pain daily, being so close yet so far to the one you love?<br />
<br />
I don't know what your situation is, but if both of you have had affairs, there is obviously something missing in your relationship. I am not here to judge. Two great books to read are WHY GOOD PEOPLE HAVE AFFAIRS AND COMING APART.<br />
<br />
I am the one that left and I am in agony over it. Your husband may feel the same way. It's so hard to leave someone you truly love. It may be hard to maintain a friendship in the beginning, but give it some thought over time. He obviously wants to be a part of your life and you be a part of his. I think that speaks volumes about the kind of man he is.

I won't pretend that I understand what you're going through because I haven't been in your position. And I know that it's easier said than done but you need to let him go. For you. Not for him. Not so that he can be with this other person. But for you because you owe it to yourself not to let him hurt you anymore. 16 years is more than enough time for you to try to make things work and enough time for you to realize that it didn't work. You deserve a lot more than this. You deserve someone who loves you and appreciates you. You deserve your own happiness as much as anybody else but you won't be able to find it until you let this go. I lost enough people in my life to recognize the pain of being left alone, the desperation and anger in your voice. I'm sorry to say this but you can't make someone love you enough to stay. I tried and it didn't work. They'll still leave you in the end. You can't change someone to love you, either. You can only change yourself in how you look at the whole situation. In how you accept that this is what's been handed to you. Look at it as the end of a chapter in your book of life, not as the end of the book itself. And then, only then, you can start a new one...I wish you well.

Took me a long time. I eventually forgave him and that really helps. Then you gotta forgive yourself too(for everything not just you cheating first as you say) and then you can move on.<br />
<br />
If he can't say right now he wants you then he doesn't deserve you. <br />
<br />
My ex and I get a long pretty well now. Its been 2 years. since we split for 2nd and final time.

i feel you. <br />
<br />
it's amazing how someone who you love so much can crush you without a second thought then ask to be friends. even better is "well maybe down the road...." like seriously? cmon. <br />
it's so much harder to get over someone when there is children involved... because you have to see and talk to them all the time. <br />
i wish i had advice to give but i'm just as lost and hurt as you... <br />
i guess just take comfort in knowing that you're not alone. everyone needs time to grieve over the loss of a relationship... and there is no set time limit on how long that should take (although i wish there was). if you're not ready to be friends don't force yourself... just try to be civil <br />
<br />
hope things turn out well for you :)