I'm Not Sure I'm Coping

My husband left nearly two years ago. I have had very little to do with him since - his choice. I am very lonely. I want to find another partner, but I seem to run a mile from anyone who wants a relationship with me. I tell myself it's because they're not right for me, but I wonder if I'm expecting too much. I had to ring my ex-husband the other week, and I found myself telling him that I loved him. I don't know that he heard, but I didn't expect that. I work in supporting people through this sort of thing, but I didn't know it hurt like this. And I thought I'd be through it by now. I don't really know what to do anymore, and I'm trying to find ways to find out how to help myself.

ClassicalCyclist ClassicalCyclist
46-50
3 Responses Mar 16, 2009

Very wise words, kungfuchic.

There are no time limits on mourning and grief. Is anyone rushing you, other than you? I think the best way to get through pain is to walk through it. Feel it, every last bit of it. I have cried every single day for the past 6 months. It's part of my healing process. One day, you will wake up and you will be feel different. Until then, grieve, cry, mourn the loss of love in your life.

It sounds like you are still hurting quite a bit, and thinking you "should" feel better by now. In my opinion, there is no "should" to it. You will feel better when you do. Accepting where you are and how you feel is a powerful place from which to begin healing. And there are things you can do to help the process along. http://www.cmha.ca/bins/content_page.asp?cid=2-70-72, <br />
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How to Love Yourself http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQVMiyzJR5k <br />
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Deq_1lg9Dlo&feature=related<br />
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http://k.livingonlove.com/<br />
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Trying to get into a relationship before you are ready could exacerbate your pain, in my opinion. It is hard to be patient when you feel lonely. I've been there, too. One thing that might work is to find someone who needs help or encouragement and reach out to them. Sometimes, in helping someone else, we help ourselves, as well.<br />
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Grief is natural at a time like this. Trust yourself. You are managing beautifully.